Season 17 Episode 4

Chris Harrison was barely featured during The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 4, probably as punishment for that horrifying beach volleyball outfit), but he has just as many thoughts and feelings as usual. This omniscient muse sat down with TV Guide to dish his theories, and his sage words of wisdom about Tierra LiCausi have us all kinds of contemplative.

"I think she's just a little dramatic,"...

Sean Lowe is drowning in a sea of ladies and white wine, and the time has come for us to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him in the form of these power rankings. Please join us as we rank the most powerful players from The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 4, based on their personality, sex appeal, degrees of insanity, and chance of winning this thing!

Name: Selma Alameri
Ranking: 5
Pros: ...

We’ve always thought that Sean Lowe is so holy (not “moly,” mmkay Leslie?) that the only thing standing between him and love Chez Bachelor would be finding a girl who’s not religious enough for him. Well, enter Persian beauty Selma Alameri and her conservative Muslim family and we have quite another quandary on our hands.

In a recent interview, Sean expressed that...

Much like a beautiful flowering rose, Sean Lowe's manhood is ready to bloom all over Bachelor Mansion. He wants babies and he wants them yesterday. Adopted babies, self-sperminated babies, the possibilities are endless. Just let the dude sow his manly seeds in your wild oats, guys, JUST LET HIM SOW.

The real question? Which lucky lady will earn the coveted role as Sean's baby-maker? Only 13...