Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney

We can't wait to settle down with a box of Franzia and get to know Season 9 Bachelorette Desiree Hartsock's future husbands. Mostly because they range from cute to crazy to completely insane in the membrane. We've rounded up the 10 weirdest facts about these bad boys, each of which makes us want to phone our friend Des and console her.

Also, we recommend you read this list at a tattoo parlor. Just in case you feel inspired and want to ink "Zak Waddell" on your forehead.

10. Brad McKinzie moonlights as a professional DJ who goes by the alter-ego DJ Mak.
Oh here go hell come.

9. One time Brandon Andreen drove 175 miles per hour across the country in a lamborghini...
And somehow managed not to get arrested.

8. Larry Burchett's ex-girlfriend fondled him in front of his boss.
Thanks for sharing, buddy.

7. Will Reese used to work at a haunted house.
We’re afraid... he’s gonna have to go away now.

6. Zak Waddell once gave his ex-girlfriend a robot vacuum.
Shockingly, the relationship didn't work out.

5. Mike R had sex in public while on a military base.
Caused mass blindness while doing so.

4. James Case's biggest fear is spilling tomato sauce on his white shirts.
Well, this is extremely specific.

3. Juan Pablo Galavis likes "good sized breasts."
As opposed to horrible sized breasts, natch.

2. Bryden Vukasin's best date memory involves "go karts and laser tag."
So, his best date was at an elementary school birthday party?

1. Dan Cox has "worn a speedo since he was five."
We can’t even imagine the chaffing.