As the contestants picked their suits for The Bachelorette premiere cocktail party, we have to imagine that most of them (you know, other than Micah) picked their outfits to go well with a red rose from Desiree Hartsock. But for six of them, that move was unnecessary, considering they were cut from the team before they even had the chance to get in Des’ fantasy suite.
And while a half doz of those guys won’t be around for the next episode, that doesn’t mean they didn’t make a big impression on us. Yep, we’re looking at you, Jonathan Vollinger. Homeskillz and his Zack Morris eyebrows (not in a good way, MP-G) could not stop trying to get Des alone to empty his “very full” “love tank.” Rest assured, we won’t be able to close our eyes before checking to make sure his unmarked van isn’t parked outside our house.
Also making a big impression on his way out was Larry Burchett, who tried to do big things, in a way an ER doc should. Unfortch, he split Des’ dress trying to “dance” with her and failed to suture the damage. Even worse than his first impression was how he spent his whole 1-on-1 time with her apologizing for what he had done. Yikes. He practiced the intro 50 times, and only two of them had a problem. And he refused them treatment, because f--k those people.
But they weren’t the only casualties: Micah may have tried to appeal to her sewing fancy, but Tim Gunn would’ve laughed him out of the house. And, try as he might, Nick Roy just couldn’t magic his way into a rose (though we’re pretty sure he spent the limo ride home conjuring some).
Also out the door after one episode? Mike R, who should’ve worked on getting that British accent back beforehand, and Diogo Custodio. Because, you know, you just can’t bounce back from walking in with a full suit of armor. Are you surprised about Des’ choices?