Although Jaclyn Swartz didn’t fall in love with Ben Flajnik during Season 16 of The Bachelor, we fell in love with her. Next, the sassy-mouthed blondie real-talked her way through Bachelor Pad 3, while simultaneously making us rethink karaoke altogether. We’re lucky enough to have Jaclyn swing by Wetpaint Entertainment this week (and more, stay tuned) to share her thoughts on Desiree Hartsock’s Season 9 of The Bachelorette.

Check out her thoughts on the June 3 episode of The Bachelorette. (This is the first of two posts for the episode, so check back for more.) Just as we hoped — and have come to expect from the owner of her very own blog (Blond Hair Don’t Care) — Jax doesn’t hold back. Enjoy.

Credit: Reality Steve

Wetpaint Entertainment: Hi Jaclyn! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. First question: Would you have chosen Bryden Vukasin and Brooks Forester for 1st dates? Why do you think Des did?

I think that she chose these two for two different reasons. I mean, I actually am making a complete guess — Brooks must be because of initial attraction. I can't really remember him from the first night, because there were so many friggin shenanigans going on, but I think he's a good-looking guy who probably left her intrigued.

Bryden is clearly a shy guy... and a military vet. Not for nothing, but America will fall in love with Des more for choosing him and giving him a rose. I honestly think that even if he shat in that hot tub, she still would have kept him. You can't kick off the show’s first army vet on Episode 2...on a 1-on-1!! It was clear the dude didn't have much game, hence the "just kiss me already!" line, but he would have failed MISERABLY at that rap video (not that the other guys did well) and so maybe Des was sparing him the embarrassment?

Which date would you rather have gone on: Bryden's or Brooks'?

The bridge date has been done a few times, and dancing alone in front of a dude singing feels awkward and unnatural to me... so I would go with the road trippin’, hot tubbin’, steamy date.

Credit: ABC

Was Ben Scott out of line in interrupting Mike Garofola and Mikey Tenerelli? Or was he just playing the game?

I honestly don't know who people are by names yet, other than Ben, Brandon, Brooks, and Zak [Waddell]. (Everyone else has nicknames at this point that will be kept in my personal vault for now.) But I think Insulin was one of the Mikes, and if that is who you are referring to, the guy seriously needs to grow a pair and stop bitching about Ben. To be honest, I was watching the show and was so completely confused why these guys even had a problem with Ben? He has yet to do anything wrong. We all know stealing time with the Bachelorette is the name of the game. Ben is being smart. These guys are reacting more catty than the chicks do. It's quite... alarming...

Credit: Matt Petit/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney

Do you think Ben is around for the "right reasons" (5 points if you avoid using that phrase)?

I think Ben is there for some feasible explanations (HOW'S THAT!!). For one thing, he must be really effing happy to get away from being a Dad and his baby momma, and get wasted with some 'bros' (ha), travel, and possibly hit it off with Des. If he owns his own business, and wants publicity for it, you can't blame him. I'M SORRY. Look what it did for Jef Holm's People Water (you see what I did there, people are still mentioning it!) — and while this might not be his TOP reason for being on The Bachelorette, you cannot blame someone for wanting it to help their business. If you do, you are not that business savvy and should consider working at McDonalds.

Jaclyn Swartz is hilarious. Read more of her musings here next week, and follow her blog BlondHairDontCare for thoughts on everything from dad jeans to hot ladykillers. Have a question for Jaclyn? Send it to us at bachelorette@wetpaint.com