We can all watch The Bachelorette and then say things like we know what we’re talking about. But Season 16 The Bachelor alum Jaclyn Swartz actually knows what it’s like to be in the mix of things. And while she didn’t find love on the show (it was Ben Flajnik, after all), she did have a grand old time real talking her way around the Mansion, and again on Bachelor Pad 3.

Jaclyn fielded a few of our deepest questions (and she can answer yours too! Email your queries to bachelorette@wetpaint.com and we’ll make sure she gets em) about bests, worsts, and the one guy who seemed cool at the beginning of the episode, but who now makes us all uncomfortable. Read on, and check out her thoughts on Ben, Brooks, and Bryden here.

Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney

Wetpaint Entertainment: Des eliminated three guys on the episode: Robert, Will, and Nick M. Which guys would you have eliminated?

NOT ROBERT!!! I am sad to see him go because he was a legit hunk. On top of it, he didn't get a date so I was surprised he was eliminated — usually the people who don't get dates get a free ride that week (yeah, that didn't happen for me... ever). I later saw Des tweeted that Robert once dated her friend, so that's the reason why he got the axe. RESPECT, girl. Good for her. But here is to hoping Bachelor Pad comes back and so do I... and so does Robert... too far?

Credit: Matt Petit/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney

Thoughts on man drama: Fun to watch or makes your ovaries dry up?

The man drama is ovary-drying comedy. Like, as if you legit sprayed my ovaries with dry ice. However, is there ANYTHING funnier? I mean girls are catty, but it is just our nature. Seeing dudes bitch about little things like "lying about kissing" or "stealing time" just seems so ass backwards. If I was the Bachelorette, and witnessed it, I'd cut them on the spot. Also, can we touch on Brandon [Andreen]'s weirdness? I mean he literally went from Hero to Zero so fast. I hope Des has since filed a restraining order. I literally was getting scared as the minutes went on and he was professing his feelings for her.... in Episode 2. He's like that psycho ex gf... but with a penis.

Who do you think Des will choose, based on this episode?

It's too early to tell, but definitely NOT the dude whose girlfriend comes on the show and cries and yells in a high pitched squeaky voice. Ear muffs.

Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney

Who do you like most and least at this point?

I don't know who I like the most...but I always know who I like the least! 1) The guy with Diabetes (Easy there, killers — not BECAUSE he has diabetes, but because he literally started four catfights and it was NOT becoming) 2) All the other guys with ailments and sob stories.

Who are you looking forward to seeing more of?

Juan freakin Pablo. I am really intrigued by the fact that his name is Juan Pablo yet he looks to have no Latin blood in him. I also haven't heard him talk yet, but I DO know that Des attempted to speak Spanish to him at the Rose Ceremony. In addition, he NEEDS a 1-on-1 date so we can giggle to ourselves about a "Juan on Juan date" or "Juan on Juan time." Here's to hoping he is a drug lord from Colombia and has a sh*t ton of drugs hidden in his suitcase! MOST. DRAMATIC. ELIMINATION. EVER.

Jaclyn Swartz is hilarious. Read more of her musings here next week, and follow her blog BlondHairDontCare for thoughts on everything from dad jeans to hot ladykillers. Have a question for Jaclyn? Send it to us at bachelorette@wetpaint.com