Roughly halfway into Desiree Hartsock’s Season 9 of The Bachelorette, we’d expect fans all around the country to be on the edge of their La-Z-Boys, pizza hanging midway to their mouths, eyes wide in anticipation for everything that happens. Unfortunately for ABC and the franchise, that’s not the case. Ratings are at an all-time low, and everyone is scratching their heads about what’s going on.
But while some say the reason for the dip in viewership is related to competition from big shows like The Voice (which had its finale on June 17), that hasn't yet proven to be true, with only a small share of the key demographic still tuning in to watch Des find love. What can they do to make more people watch the show? Here are five ideas we've come up with to help 'em out.
1. More alcohol, please
Other than a few special friends we waved hello and goodbye to in the premiere cocktail party, the guys have pretty much kept it together. And honestly, that sucks for us. We miss the drunk confessions, the messiness, the crazy eyes that come with love-lookers who have had a few too many champagne cocktails. It seems like everyone is playing to the camera and hyper-aware of their edits, which is making everyone come off as pretty one-dimensional. And that dimension is putting us to sleep.
2. Chris Harrison strip tease
So the guys paraded around a stage in swimsuits. So what? We have yet to see a set of abs worthy of its own Twitter handle. Cue Chris Harrison. All we’re asking is for him to strip off his hand-stitched vest, sexily unbutton his CH-brand blouse, and shake it a little. Seems reasonable to us.
3. Let viewers vote to save the controversial contestants
From an entertainment standpoint, Ben Scott and Brian Jarosinski have been the most amusing parts of the show. So, who cares if they’re looking for love with Des or not? We should be able to pick up the phone and save them. There has to be something for them to do: Maybe Ben could make cocktails for the other bros, so that they’d be more entertaining (See #1)? Perhaps Brian could test the dudes to see if they’re really there for the right reasons? He does have a unique expertise.
4. Two words (ish): 3-D
Nothing makes a boring scene come to life quite like the magic of 3-D. Just think: We too could’ve been sitting there on that stoop, watching Bryden Vukasin tell Des he’s just not that into her. Awkwardness amplified.
5. Start over with Tierra as the lead
So what if Tierra LiCausi is engaged? No one has seen this guy on her Instagram and that ring might’ve come out of a candy vending machine, for all we know. We say, let her sparkle all over our screens once more! She could compete with Ben for the “stolen time” crown, out-injure Brooks Forester, and finally give her less-famous eyebrow the 15 minutes it deserves.
We’d watch that show.