Uh-oh, Desi, these guys have a whole lotta ‘splainin’ to do! Desiree Hartsock’s men have been up to no good since Day 1, when they slurred, spun, and sparkled their way into Bachelor Mansion. And between the “fantasy suite” cards, the inexplicable armor, and the sheer girlfriendness of it all, it’s been a tough season to take.
So, lucky for all of us, on July 22, Des and Chris Harrison will put the band back together (mostly) and assemble them in a firing line inside a studio in Los Angeles. And then? It’s all fair game, so watch out. Did Des make promises in a Fantasy Suite and then do something else altogether? Nope, sorry, that was (allegedly) Sean Lowe. But we’re sure there’s plenty these guys have to say to her that missed the final cut.
Here are 10 scenarios we’re hoping make the edit:
1. Jonathan Vollinger arrives with throw pillows, another fantasy suite card, and a key to a studio green room. Des leaves with him.
2. Brian Jarosinski explains the zen of having rocks thrown at him by his significant other. Turns out, it brings him clarity.
3. Brandon Andreen reveals that he has started a sanctuary for injured butterflies. When Des tells him she’d like to visit some time, he cries.
4. Sad he wasn’t invited to the MTA, Larry Burchett starts a flashmob in the middle of the studio audience. Each woman, clad in a long silver dress, is dipped without ripping her dress.
6. Chris Siegfried leads Chris Harrison and Kasey Stewart in a trust exercise, in which each man expresses how he feels in 140 characters or less. The catch? It must all rhyme. They decide it will create an excellent social media platform, and call it TwitManTearGeneratter. Chris Harrison integrates it into his dating app.
7. Brooks Forester washes his hair.
9. Desiree explains that ABC FORCED her to use only Jungian archetypes to define her world as if it’s a Disney movie full of fairytales and princesses. (Disney does own ABC, after all.) With her contract largely over, Des is once again able to talk like a normal person. It’s a dream come true.
10. Producers explain how Michael Garofola got to Top 5 without seemingly ever spending any time whatsoever alone with Desiree.