Chris Harrison's reign of emotional terror is starting to get the best of Desiree Hartsock. Remember a few weeks ago when she was just like "La, La, La, Lululemon!" and spent her free time smiling vacantly at the ocean? How times have changed.
Nowadays, Desiree is a ball of nerves who cries at the drop of a hat. She's taken to expressing her feelings in the form of doodles, and don't even get us started on the poem she penned for Chris Siegfried, the lines of which include "from the first night / one knee on the ground / charming and handsome / instant attraction was found" and "dancing on the street / the moments of bliss / solidify my feelings in every single kiss".
Translation? "It's me, Desiree. I'm being held against my will by a horde of escaped inmates. S.O.S."
Sadly, no one received Desiree's message in a bottle (not even Sting), and she spent most of this week's episode crying hysterically over a certain someone named James "Sweaty Nipples" Case. Des was totally thrown for a loop when she discovered that James had gone against Soulja Boy's 10 Commandments, and her first instinct was to throw around a bunch of F-bombs. We believe her exact words were "F--- this, f--- that, f--- everything." But then Des spent five seconds basking in the glory of James' flip flop sandals, and did a total 180.
Of course, cut to five minutes later and she was back to hating him. Oh, and then five more minutes later and she was hugging him / crying on his nip-sweat.
It was all really tragic and horrible to watch — especially that one scene where Des wept all alone on a dock while some awkward cameraman filmed her. We know Chris Harrison punishes these dudes if they interact with their subjects, but way to not offer girlfriend a tissue, friend (by which we mean enemy).
Ultimately, Des decided to send James home, a choice which we assume she's penned, like, fifty reflective poems about. With that in mind, we'll leave you with the following haiku.
Help us help you, Des
Help us help you stop writing