Credit: Angus Muir/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney

Desiree Hartsock, where have you been all our lives? Verbing around Europe, that’s where. She likes living, laughing, and loving — and apparently also enjoys talking about parts of speech while on 1-on-1 dates, as we saw in a just-released preview for her date Brooks Forester. How does it go? Honestly, not as well as we would think, considering how far along we are in the season. And, um, how much they smile at one another.

With only five guys left in the competition for Des’s heart, every moment alone with her counts. Besides her Brooksing tonight, she’ll also be writing poetry with Chris Siegfried (ugh) and broing out with Drew Kenney and Zak Waddell on a fun 2-on-1. She’ll also FINALLY have some alone time with professional arguer Michael Garofola.

What’s at stake tonight? Hometown Dates. Four guys will get them, one will go home without EVER SEEING DES AGAIN (you know, until “Men Tell All,” that is). So, who gets Hometown Dates and who goes home tonight in Madeira? Rest easy, shnookums, we’ll tell you everything you need to know about tonight and the future.

Check out all the drama tonight at 8/7c on ABC in Season 9 Episode 7.