We'd like to take a moment to thank the Bachelorette gods for sparing Desiree Hartsock's life. After part one of the finale, we were 100 percent convinced that she'd drown in a puddle of her own tears, but somehow she managed to pick herself up, walk down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams (aka that tragic dock she was perched on), and make it through the rest of the finale.
However, our poor withered rose couldn't pull herself together quite enough to escape being this week's Hot Mess. With that in mind, please enjoy this breakdown of her most tragically messy moments –– none of which were more tragically messy than her hair throughout this entire experience.
1. In which Desiree handed out her final roses...while sobbing
Because nothing is more reassuring than having the woman you love give you some wilted flower while she weeps about another man. In the epic hashtag words of Kasey Stewart: #shrinkage.
2. In which Desiree tried to have a conversation with Chris Harrison...while sobbing
To be fair, we can barely get through a conversation with Chris without welling up. And we talk to our poster of him on a daily basis, so we would know.
3. In which Desiree mounted a pony and said pony immediately wanted to end its life
We literally never want to look at a horse again, just in case it should accidentally remind us of Desiree's horribly awkward date with Drew Kenney. Horses are literally dead to us.
4. In which Desiree broke up with Drew and suffered a mental breakdown while doing so
Did anyone else notice that Drew barely cried during the breakup, yet Desiree was basically vomiting tears? What. Is. Wrong. With Her?
A beautiful scene in which Desiree interrupted Chris' proposal to a) start crying and b) recite the following poem: "JSYK, roses are red, violets are blue, I'm in love with Brooks, but whatever, you'll do."