Watching Chris Soules make out with almost every girl he talked to for more than five seconds on last night’s episode of The Bachelor 2015 was like watching Bruce Banner morph into the Hulk: One moment he’s a shy guy from Iowa, the next he’s an insatiable kiss monster with lips that just can’t be held back even one second longer. Nom nom.
With so many kisses to choose from, one was bound to be awkwardly bad, and we were not disappointed. Today we say THANK YOU to Ashley Iaconetti for showing us how to eat a man’s face should the zombie apocalypse come to pass.
Amazingly, Ash’s full frontal assault on Chris’s mouth wasn’t the most awkward kiss in the annals of the Bachelor franchise’s kissing history, but it does get added to our list of cringeworthy smooches. Let’s see if you remember these other awkward moments and which ones may have even been worse.
1. Jamie Otis Straddle Kisses Ben Flajnik
Before Ash's moment, another gal who’d never had a boyfriend taught us how practicing kissing on melons can get your kiss game all sorts of bonkers. Jamie Otis' attempt to seduce Season 16’s Ben Flajnik is widely considered the most awkward Bachelor kiss ever. Chris Harrison himself called it "easily one of the most horrifying moments in the history of the show."
Shy "prude" Jamie really wanted to make an impression on this guy whose head kept turning for sexy, confident (and unclothed) women like Courtney Robertson. So she sat Ben down for an awkward exchange that included, "When I go to bed at night I definitely, uh, you know, I think about you often and I think about the things I'd like to do with you." Ben was totally thrown off. She said she had big plans for him.
So, she straddled him in her tight cocktail dress and moved in for a kiss. Ben did not seem to know how to react. As he said, he wasn't expecting her to go from zero to 60 in two seconds. She kept giggling and talking about how she liked his hair and didn't want to be "fancy" but she did want to get a little "fancier." She kissed him again before dissolving into more nervous giggles. She also earnestly told him they should kiss with their mouths open, then closed, which Ben said felt like an instruction guide. You have to give her credit for stepping way out of her comfort zone, but she really should've stayed there. Painful.
2. Jonathan Novack Cries Over the Pressure of Kissing Ali Fedotowsky
Do you remember The Weatherman? Ali Fedotowsky was more likely to adopt him than marry him on The Bachelorette Season 6. Ali already had an awkward neck-peck kiss with Hunter Wagner on Week 3, but things got worse on the group date when the guys shot their Barenaked Ladies music video. All the guys compared scripts to see who had the best scene, and Jonathan Novack was given one of the juiciest — a passionate kiss with sexy librarian Ali. So what did The Weatherman do? He freaked out. He made all the other guys give him pep talks. He whispered to Ali ahead of time that if she was uncomfortable, they didn't have to do the scene.
As Ali noted to the camera, "The scene with Jonathan in the library started off very awkward. He was shaking, he was literally physically shaking. And I was just like, oh it’s fine, it’s OK. And I’m thinking I’m not sure if I’m ready to kiss Jonathan." Kirk DeWindt called it — he told the other guys watching the scene that Jonathan was going to ask not to do it, then kiss Ali on the neck instead of the lips. Sure enough, that's what Jonathan did. Ali: "It was all wrong."
Jonathan turned on the guys with the allegation that they were embarrassing Ali — and him. Then he started to cry. Ali: “I think because all the guys kind of laughed at him, and I felt so bad, I just went up and I gave him a hug." Ali tried to save Jonathan by pulling him in for a big passionate kiss. Chris Lambton later quipped, "Today was a big day of firsts for The Weatherman: First kiss with Ali, first kiss in a music video, first kiss … ever." Oof.
3. Ashley Iaconetti Makes a Last Meal Out of Chris Soules
We’re putting Ash’s awkward kiss just ahead of Sharleen Joynt’s terrible moment with Juan Pablo Galavis because Ash made her move where every other girl in the house could see her. Not cool. And to up the awkward factor by a gajillion, Ash and Chris got pseudo horizontal during the kiss, and it looked it was her doing all the maneuvering to get into that position. Um, slow down virgin.
In case you missed it, what made this kiss particularly bad was the disproportionate amount of Chris’s face that appeared to be disappearing into Ashley’s mouth during the kiss. He was cake, and she was the fat kid who loves it. We’re pretty sure Chris had to wipe his eyeball on his sleeve afterwards.
What made the kiss threat level red in terms of cringeworthiness was the fact that Ash first made Chris rub her belly button ring and make a wish. No, girl, no. Firstly, get that jewelry removed immediately because it’s not 1992 anymore, and secondly, if you’re going to defy what decade you’re living in, then at least get a little bit classier of a piece of jewelry to hang there. No one needs to see down a mine shaft using only the light from your belly bling.
4. Sharleen Joynt Doesn’t Score With Juan Pablo Galavis
In our history books, Sharleen’s bad pass belongs right about here on the list. She proved herself Season 18’s Awkwardness Queen right on the premiere when she called JPG “Sir” and reacted with “Seriously?” then “Sure” when accepting the first impression rose. She seemed to make progress with Juan Papa on Episode 2, and they tried to take their relationship to the next level of Episode 3, during the soccer-playing group date.
Things started off on a literally painful note when Sharleen kept getting smacked with soccer balls during every play. (That’s not hot, for those of you keeping score.) But during her mid-field one-on-Juan time, he moved in for a kiss and she showed that mayyyyybe she could’ve used some private kissing instruction time like Sean Lowe got from Arie Luyendyk, Jr. Later in the episode, Shar tried to make another kiss move but JPG basically shut it down. She called him a tease, but he was probably right with that call. There’s only so much we can watch. Still love her, though!
5. Kissing Kasey Kahl Isn't Kool
No kissing discussion is complete without mentioning Bachelor Pad. The kissing competition was an instant classic on Season 1 (for all the wrong reasons), and only fueled the producers’ fire when it went awry.
The contest was awkward all around on Bachelor Pad 2 because no one really wanted to do it — especially since Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi were already in a relationship and Michael Stagliano still had feelings for Holly Durst. All the guys wanted to be respectful about kissing Holly because of her Stag status ... except for Blake Julian. Blake went full throttle — and now he and Holly are married, so apparently it worked. It was tough for Stag to watch, but the real awkwardness came later when the girls had to kiss Kasey. Erica Rose mentioned how bad his breath was that day, and some made faces after kissing him.
All in all, it wasn't the sexiest competition, but Ella Nolan — who won for the girls — gave a little lesson on how you should kiss. Maybe everyone on this list should watch it.
6. Jillian Harris Turns Her Cheek on Dave
Dave Good got Jillian Harris’s first impression rose on The Bachelorette Season 5, but he ended up turning her off with some aggressive behavior. He talked about staring at her ass during the group date's curling competition, which she wasn’t flattered to hear. He moved in for a kiss and Jillian rejected it, turning her cheek. Dave said he'd never been turned down for a kiss before. "I would never have gone in for a kiss right now if I didn't feel everyone else hasn't already kissed you," he said. Jillian countered, "I have not kissed 12 dudes, there was a date where we had to act kissing but those were not real kisses, I'm not that girl."
She later told the cameras she needs to feel like someone respects her and there had been times when she felt like Dave wasn't respecting her. Dave, on the other hand, seemed to think Jillian was just playing hard to get. "I think she is into me, I honestly just think Jillian is trying to hold back." Nope!
7. Michelles Are Aggressive Kissers — Who Knew?!
Maybe there’s just something about girls named Michelle, since Jake Pavelka and Brad Womack both had awkward kiss moments from girls with that name.
Jake had several drama girls on Season 14, and one overly emotional one was Michelle Kujawa. She laid it on pretty thick, and threatened to leave the show at one point because it was too hard, and she wasn’t getting enough time with Jake, etc. (There’s always one.) During one intense sit-down with Jake, she basically begged him to kiss her. He gave her a reluctant peck, later telling Access Hollywood he didn't want to kiss her at all, but he also didn't want to embarrass her on TV. Neither one felt chemistry from that sad kiss, so — once again — she said she wanted to leave. This time Jake took her up on it, sending her home right then and there. That’s when you really know a kiss is wrong!
Season 15’s Michelle Money made her own awkward kiss move on Brad. She straddled him, told him he wasn’t allowed to speak, and — between kisses — suggested he go send the other girls home. Jake probably would’ve cowered in fear, but Brad let himself be completely dominated. Who can blame him though? You don’t say no to M-squared!