Like a bad cold, The Bachelorette’s Andi Dorfman just can’t shake Juan Pablo Galavis. While most of us are happy to avoid our past loves like we avoid lupus, Andi’s ex insists on staying on her radar. The most controversial Bachelor in recent history, JPG took to Facebook to hand Andi advice on how to be an awesome Bachelorette. And that advice is amazeballs, with a capital balls. Read on for sage ramblings, and pay special attention to the words in ALL CAPS. THEY’RE REALLY IMPORTANT SOMEHOW.  

El Bachelor’s message begins innocuously enough with, “Today I want to wish the BEST to you Andi Dorfman on your JOURNEY as the Bachelorette…” That’s the last time we recognize sanity or proper sentence structure in the shout out. Juan tells Andi, “You were lucky Nikki was your best friend and I CHOSE her jajaja, cause if not who was gonna HELP give you TIPS for your contract before the show, and explain you VERY well what you were getting into jejeje.”

Other highlights include the wannabe guidance counselor telling his ex all will be well as long as the 27-year-old is able to “STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF at all times and not to fear what 20 hours of a show could look like. As long as you can put your head on your PILLLOW and be totally at PEACE, knowing that you did the right thing and that you weren't a PUPPET.”

Juan also admits he won’t be watching Andi’s season — which, yeah, we already knew — but wants her to know it’s not her fault. He’ll be waiting to hear all the dirt on what went down on the season from the Bachelorette herself. Think Andi will be dying to call Juan Pabs and dish with him after the season? Survey says pass.

Want to read the entire contents of his public advice to Andi? Click here.

What do you think about Juan’s “advice”? Heartfelt, or just another way to stay in the spotlight? Tell us in the comments.

Source: Juan Pablo on Facebook