We've been watching The Bachelorette for 10 seasons, and we can honestly say that nothing can live up to Episode 2 in terms of pure, unadulterated WTF-dom. We don't know what's in the water over at Bachelor Mansion (other than 100-proof vodka), but Andi Dorfman's tribe of half-naked grifter hotties is even more insane than usual, and they were in their prime this week!

In case you were too high on life and endorphins to fully process the episode, we've rounded up the top 5 WTF moments for you to look back on. Also, feel free to work through this list with your therapist.


1. Bachelorette Is Just All: WAR? WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR

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The New York Times has officially been rendered irrelevant, because we now get our world news from The Bachelorette. In fact, this very week we learned a) how to shove dollar bills into a stripper's thong, and b) about the crisis in Syria. No seriously, the folks at ABC busted out their most serious violin music and let Eric Hill muse about his experience traveling Syria for a full 60 seconds, and we experienced what can only be described as a mindf—k. Andi was basically on a date with Anderson Cooper. Of course, this mega-serious date was followed up with a bunch of half-naked men writhing around in sexual ecstasy while dressed as firemen, which is news-worthy in its own right.


2. Let's Talk About Sex(ism), Baby

The Bachelorette is breaking the glass ceiling one NSFL episode at a time! This week, Andi unleashed her inner feminist and blatantly objectified her contestants (role-reversal, guys!) while they pranced around in thongs and had dollar bills shoved into their crotches. And speaking of dollar bills, our favorite moment from the entire event was when Andi threw a giant wad of Benjamins at her contestants and giggled insanely as they rained down on their shirtless bodies. It was a beautiful moment, though frankly we're surprised Chris Harrison was willing to part with that much money.


3. Josh Has No Idea How to Function in Normal Society

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We're worried about Josh Murray's mental stability. This poor dude was so traumatized by his stint as a low-rent stripper that he had a breakdown during cocktail hour, and was unable to speak to Andi without giggling like a little school girl. In fact, he broke into a fit of uncontrollable LOLs as a result of just being around Andi one-on-one, which was apparently a huge turn-on for her, because she ended up kissing him. Whatever floats your motorboats, girl.


4. WTF Was Up With Cocktail Hour?

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A lot of strange, unexplained things happened during the fast-paced montage at this week's cocktail hour. Like, slow your roll, ABC, and please explain a) why Andi was forced to watch some random dude give her a sock puppet show, b) why she was out in the driveway of Bachelor Mansion smashing a bunch of plates (that was Chris Harrison's finest china, DEAR GOD!) and d) why JJ O’Brien was allowed alone with her in a room.


5. Meet Our New Imaginary Boyfriend, Craig

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Obviously, Craig Muhlbauer's entire drunken breakdown will be hashed out in detail during our Hot Mess of the Week, but for now we'll leave you with our favorite highlights: the moment he got in the hot tub and screamed "it's too hot! It's too hot on my body!," the moment he sat Andi down and asked her "what's your worst thing about your parents?," the moment he pushed Patrick Jagodzinski into a stove and yelled "f— you, bro!," and — of course — the moment he busted out an acoustic guitar and sang Andi an apology song. Basically, all the moments ever, this dude is flawless.