A baker’s dozen of dudes is currently en route (nope, not really) to Connecticut to take over The [Enter State’s Famous Thing Here] State. The 13 guys will have to work really hard to woo Season 10 Bachelorette Andi Dorfman, because she’s had no problemo just kicking even the cutest guys to the curb. (We miss you, Brett Melnick!) And from ABC’s official synopsis, it sounds like the guys come through! Except, you know, not at all.

On Episode 4, Dreamboat Dylan (as we will be calling him forever) hops aboard a steam train (huh?) with Andi, and they maneuver New England. Apparently, Dyls thinks it’s just the perfect setting for him to regale his girl with the heartbreaking story of his brother and sister both dying from drug overdoses. Let’s hope Andi doesn’t throw herself off the train from the glee of this conversation. AOh, also, ABC wants to know if Dylan will “be able to let go of his hurt long enough to trust Andi.” Newsflash: Tthere are still 12 other guys, so don’t let go too early, pal.

Nexties, 11 brosefs will pull off their pantsapreneur and pull on some basketball shorts so they can run around in a gym. Sound like ABC used all their episode budget when they put Andi up at the super ritzy Bacara last episode? Well, never fear, because WNBA superstars are coming to school the fellas to battle it out for more “playing time” (that was us, not ABC, sorry) with Andi. Will the date rose go to the best athlete on court or the most romantic suitor off court?” ABC asks, and we hope it’s the former, because breaking a sweat is no picnic, OK?

For the third date, super hottie, super sincere Marcus Grodd gets to dive off the side of the Mohegan Sun with Andi, and we use “get to” really liberally. ABC claims there are 50 mph winds, making us pretty sure they learned nothing from the time Desiree Hartsock and Kasey Stewart had to do the same thing on Season 9, which was awful. But like they say, hindsight is for suckers. Later, they make out, obviously.

But later, Andi gets super pissed at the cocktail party and has a “serious discussion with one of the men,” followed by a breakdown while wearing a dress that looks like Liberace’s shower mat. They are left “stunned and speechless” after she lectures them, because apparently the WNBA babes didn’t school 'em enough earlier. She loses two guys at the end and then heads to France, because that, Andrew Poole, is how you make a dramatic exit.

P.S. Connecticut’s nicknames include The Land of Steady Habits and The Provisions State. So, we really did them a favor by leaving that nick’in door open. Maybe by the end of the episode, they’ll call it “The Forget Me Now State.”


Julia Wayne is an Editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter and Google+!