Much like countries around the globe flocking to Brazil for the World Cup, random dudes from around America have flocked to Bachelor Mansion for a chance to win Andi Dorfman's heart. (Topical sports reference, what up!)

In other words, there's tons of ball play happening all up on our television screen, and when it comes to The Bachelorette, said ball play is shrouded in WTFs. This week's episode was just as unhinged as usual, and we've taken it upon ourselves to round up the biggest spit take-inducing moments for your enjoyment.

Spoiler alert: Chris Harrison's turtleneck is included on this list.


1. Andi's Men Mime, Lose Will To Live While Doing So

So, this week Andi forced her garçons to dress up as mimes and hit the streets of France for some public humiliation. The good news? They wore jaunty suspenders. The bad news? This was the worst thing to ever happen to our eyeballs, especially when Marquel Martin felt the need to mime at that poor innocent baby. That being said, we're surprised that these monsieurs didn't take the opportunity to learn the mime for "HELP ME" and "I HAVE BEEN TAKEN AS A SLAVE BY CHRIS HARRISON," but whatever.


2. Hey, Chris Harrison? The '00s Called And They Want Their Turtleneck Back

Credit: ABC video still

The Bachelorette's fashion is always completely terrifying (it's a cross we have to bear), but this week the sartorial selections took a turn for the OH-MY-GOD-WHHHHHHY. First, Chris Harrison showed up to France wearing a giant knit turtleneck with a sports coat over it, then Josh Murray wore a zip-up mock-turtleneck (but honestly, we don't expect much from him), and then Andi herself felt the need to wear a black turtleneck. It was kind of like watching N*Sync's video for "This I Promise You" only the complete opposite because it was horrible.


3. Andrew Poole Kinda-Sorta Might Be a Racist

We're so worried about whether or not Andrew Poole is a racist. This dude's been having a pretty rough time, and now he's been accused of being a total bigot. Apparently, Andrew used the term "blackies" to describe Marquel and Ron Worrell (GURL, NO), and he spent most of this week trying to convince people that he's not a terrible person. We feel so awkward and weird right now, you guys. Expect us to unleash our feels during tomorrow's Hot Mess of the Week.


4. Nick Pens Beautiful Poem, Says No One Ever

You know who else wore a turtleneck this week? Nick Viall. And it gave him the power to write Andi the following poem: "Andi, when I see you I smile. When I see you I blush. When I see you I get nervous. When I see you my chest bursts with excitement." No words, because Nick just used all of them. The upside is that it's great to know that this tender soul can write (we mean that in only the motor skills sense of the word). The downside is that he was left unsupervised for long enough to write that particular "poem."


5. Andi Snacks On Frogs, We Try Not To Vomit

We think Andi might hate Brian Osborne, because their date consisted of eating a raw sea urchin, cooking up "10 pairs" of innocent frog legs, and trying not to die of food poisoning. Shockingly, Brian was given a rose (probably because he was forced to eat amphibian on his date), but lord knows he just ended up curled up in the fetal position wallowing in a pool of froggy vomit and tears after this date. Praying for your intestines, buddy. Praying for them so hard.