Andi Dorfman is slowly whittling down her cornucopia of crushes on The Bachelorette, and at this point she only has eight boyfriends left. Can you imagine only having eight dudes around wanting to put a ring on your finger and fill you up with babies? Andi's life is just, like, so stressful. Luckily, we're here to help!

Now that Andi has narrowed down the flock of potential fornicators, the time has come for us to once again rank her power players. Unfortunately for the spice of life, Josh Murray is still coming in first, and this week he poured salt into the wound that is his terrible fashion and wore a mock turtleneck. A MOCK TURTLENECK. We don't even want to talk about it.


Name: Josh Murray

Credit: ABC video still

Ranking: 1

Pros: Despite our better judgement, we're starting to grow lady-feels for Josh. We know, please don't hate us. The thing is, instead of loathing his oversized blouses, we kind of want to cuddle up inside them. And yes, Josh needs to wax off at least half his eyebrows, but we volunteer as tribute. Also, he and Andi have good chemistry or whatever.

Cons: As much as we're warming up to Josh, we still have a few issues with his personality. Mainly, we have an issue with the fact that he doesn't seem to have one. Maybe Josh should stop talking about how there's more to him than sports, and actually form a sentence that doesn't relate to sports. Just a thought.


Name: Marcus Grodd

Ranking: 2

Pros: Marcus Grodd wasn't all that noteworthy during this week's episode (he did kinda drop the L-word), but thanks to the power of sheer hunkiness we think he has a better chance of winning Andi's heart than anyone else below him on this list. Also, he said what we were all thinking, "Americans should never come to France and mime, ever."

Cons: Marcus isn't snagging too much alone time with Andi, and he only has a few more weeks to make an impression before she picks her final four. Maybe he should push her off a building? She seemed super into it the last time, so….


Name: Nick Viall

Ranking: 3

Pros: Despite the fact that his hair is rapidly thinning, Nick Viall seems to be a pretty decent catch. Actually, it was physically painful for us to type that sentence, so we take it all back. Cons, please!

Cons: Nick made our list because Andi's crushing on him despite the fact that he clearly hates being on The Bachelorette, is a huge bummer to be around, and — to quote Andi — is super salty. Judging from Nick's terrible attitude, it's almost as if he didn't realize he was signing up for a show where he had to swap second-hand spit with a dozen other dudes.


Name: Brian Osborne

Credit: ABC video still

Ranking: 4

Pros: Brian Osborne got a rose on his date with Andi even though it was the most boring and awkward date in the show's history. That has to count for something, right guys?

Cons: So many. So, so many. First of all, Brian and Andi kissed shortly after eating frog legs. We repeat, they had recently consumed frog when their tongues touched. Second of all, Brian basically has no idea how to function as a human outside the basketball court, which could be a problem if he and Andi try to do anything together aside from playing with balls.


Name: JJ O'Brien

Credit: ABC video still

Ranking: 5

Pros: JJ O’Brien was super adorable during the group date, and won major points when he recreated his one-on-one with Andi through the subtle art of miming. Though let's be real, no one really wanted a reminder of the fright fest that was that geriatric date. Also, we appreciate that JJ called out Andrew Poole for his alleged racist remarks.

Cons: Two words: birkenstock clogs. That is all.