Credit: ABC video still

Hark, what light through yonder window breaks? Is it the east? No, it's just Cody Sattler's deep-V formal shirt, blinding us with its criminal insanity. Honestly, Cody could be this week's Bachelorette Hot Mess based on his shirt alone (and we use the term "shirt" loosely), but his real claim to messy fame was begging Andi Dorfman to be Juliet to his Romeo. As far as we're concerned, the only thing Andi and Cody have in common with Romeo and Juliet is the fact that they were both ready to off themselves by the end of this episode.

Even talking about Cody and Andi's date gives us second hand embarrassment, but let's hold hands and work through this together — starting with Cody's attempted recreation of Romeo and Juliet's classic balcony scene. Shockingly, Andi managed to not fling herself off said balcony while Cody was wooing her, but the same can't be said for us. We face planted off our couch straight into a pile of pizza.

Cody's foray into tragedy climaxed during his dinner with Andi, where he desperately tried to convince her to fall in love with him. Real talk, it was kind of hard to pay attention to his musings, what with the fact that a) his man-breasts were glowing in the candlelight, and b) we were burning all our copies of Romeo and Juliet, but his passionate plea went something like this:

"I just wanna grab you, kiss you, hug you, roll around with you. I wanna do all those things with you. It's a weird feeling … You'll fall in love with me the more you stay around me. I'm telling you right now, hands down, the longer you keep me around, you're in trouble!"

Good God, Cody, PULL IT TOGETHER. Obviously, Andi rejected this poor soul on the spot, and honestly, we have no idea how he's going to recover from this. Here’s hoping Bachelor in Paradise might help!

Did you squirm as much as we did watching Cody? Sound off in the comments below.