Credit: ABC/Geert Vanden Wijngaert

Things that happened during this week's June 30 episode of The Bachelorette: Andi Dorfman made her men hang out in some abandoned ruins (obviously a thinly-veiled threat) before the group date at a monastery — which was basically a total F.U. to The Man Upstairs. Plus, we had all kinds of WTF moments, some of which left us dry-heaving, others of which had us clutching our Chris Harrison body pillow in abject horror.

So yeah, the episode was a WTF-y emotional roller coaster, and we've therapeutically taken it upon ourselves to round up the highlights for you, right here, right now.


1. Andi Wears a Cape, Might Be a Superhero

Credit: ABC video still

For reasons that have yet to be explained to us, Andi felt the need to don a cape during this week's episode of The Bachelorette. As in, she actually got up one morning and was all "you know what would be really sexy and totally impress my harem of boyfriends? THIS JAUNTY CAPE!" Obviously, there’s only one explanation for Andi's rapid descent into fashion failure: She's been spending too much time with Josh Murray, who — it should be noted — wore a zip-up hoodie this week with nothing else underneath it.


2. Dylan Petitt Styles His Hair in Perky Ponytail, No Haters to Be Found

Credit: ABC video still

The living legend known as Dylan Petitt (aka Bachelorette's answer to Dawson Leery) spent much of this week's episode wearing his silken locks in a casual ponytail. Don't even worry about it, just let the ponytail goodness wash over your body like a waterfall of liquid gold. Also, Dylan was eliminated this week, so let's pray that he didn't pull a Britney Spears and shave off his hair in dismay, because we cannot live without that ponytail!


3. Dylan Cheerfully Compares His Relationship With Andi to Crumbled Ruins

Credit: ABC video still

As we mentioned above, Andi trolled around some ruins with her boyfriends this week. But Dylan had a slightly different (and adorably confuzzled) take on the situation than we did. We believe his exact quote was "these ruins stood the test of time, and I'm hoping Andi and my relationship can also stand the test of time." LOL, oh Dylan, you poor, sweet bae. These ruins are literally ruined. As in they were abandoned and left to die. How are you failing to grasp the extremely obvious metaphor here?


4. Andi and Josh Dance on a Platform in a Sea of Judgmental Plebeians

Credit: ABC/Geert Vanden Wijngaert

If there's one thing we've learned from years spent watching The Bachelorette, it's that Chris Harrison loves forcing people to dance on platforms while surrounded by haters. And this week, poor Andi and Josh were asked to slow jam the night away while a bunch of bitter locals from Ghent side-eyed them. Did you see the expressions on those people's faces? The hatred was radiating off of them. Lord knows how they were convinced to participate in this scene, but we have a feeling it was under duress.


5. Brian Osborne Suffers From a Fear of Pickles

Credit: ABC video still

We need to talk about Brian Osborne's fear of pickles. Actually, Maury Povich should probably talk about it, because he's way more qualified to do so. All we know is that Brian has a serious phobia of pickles and can't be in the same room as them without projectile vomiting and running away in sheer terror. How he managed to pass ABC's pre-Bachelorette psychic evaluation is completely beyond us. In other news, Brian's reaction to pickles kind of reminds us of our own reaction to Josh's collection of blouses.