Sigh, Bachelorette hometown dates. A magical time full of promise, adventure, and the faint smell of Chris Harrison's rose scented body odor. We've been looking forward to Andi Dorfman's hometowns for our entire lives (because that's how long this season has been on the air for, right?), and boy did they deliver in the WTF department. How could they not? Andi literally spent the entire episode making small talk with a bunch of plebeian parents, most of whom who she'll never see again because she's about to destroy their children's lives.
Sounds fun, right? Check out our roundup of WTFs, most of which have to do with Chris "Feminist Icon" Soules.
1. Andi Breaks Glass Ceiling, Chris Repairs It
So, Chris Soules is a farmer. Like, he literally tills soil and works the land for a living. He's painting with all the colors of the wind, Pocahontas-style, and we're pretty sure "This Land Is Your Land" was written about him. The problem? The farm is no place for a working woman!
Just ask anyone in Chris's family, all of whom tenderly explained to Andi that she'd have countless opportunities chillin' in Iowa, including being a "homemaker" and "driving a tractor." That's adorable (and it's great to see how far Iowa has come in the fight for women's equality), but the problem is Andi might actually want this thing called a "job." It's this weird activity some women do when they aren't busy homemaking.
2. Josh Might Be Having a Love Affair With His Dog
This week, Josh Murray cheated on Andi and she didn't even notice. That's correct, Josh engaged in what can only be described as a heavy makeout session with his dog while Andi stood awkwardly in the corner, and it was extremely traumatizing for all parties involved — including us. Places Josh's dog kissed him include his mouth, his neck, and his ear. And yes, Josh did exchange saliva with Andi shortly after this steamy encounter, which means Andi was sloppy seconds to a puppy in the most literal way possible.
3. Andi Gives Chris a Lap Dance
You know what was weird? When Andi asked to sit on Chris's lap for no apparent reason, and he made a bunch of weird, vaguely-inarticulate sex jokes. Namely, "she asked me if she could sit on my lap, and I said 'I will never turn that question down from you, I swear to God.’" We get it Chris — you like Andi sitting on your man-parts. But bridle your passions until the Fantasy Suites, for the love of our eyeballs! In other news, there was definitely room in that tractor for two people, but whatever, these two just wanted to do the farm equivalent of a bump n' grind, and why shouldn't they? Follow your dreams, Andi!
4. Chris Is the Worst at Hide and Seek — Like Ever
Chris's family forced Andi to wander around their farm playing hide and seek, which was a) creepy and b) totally pointless given the fact that Chris was the hider and he was being followed around by a camera crew. We know this hunky farmer was super impressed when Andi found him lurking behind some terrifying vent, but maybe the giant boom mic tipped her off? Or maybe the fact that Chris Harrison was presumably crouching in the shadows? Either way, we were unimpressed by Chris's skills. He clearly should have scurried into a field and made Andi spend hours trying to locate him while he shucked corn.
5. Marcus Strips For Andi, Assaults Our Eyeballs
Whyyyy Marcus Grodd. WHY. We know Andi loves nothing more than watching men strip (which was proven during her stripper-themed group date), but there's a time and a place for such sexy shenanigans. While we appreciated Marcus's six pack, forcing someone to watch you parade around naked in an empty club while they are stone cold sober is never a good idea. Unless you're on Bachelor Pad or Bachelor in Paradise, in which case it's probably a great idea.