Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette is over, as is our reason for living. But before we face-plant into a pile of rotting rose petals and sob gently into a Da Vinci by Chris Harrison buttondown, let's join hands for the therapeutic bonding session known as WTFs. We've once again rounded up the most pearl-clutching moments of hot messy horror from The Bachelorette's season finale and “After The Final Rose” special, and they're even more deranged than usual. Like, we're pretty sure everyone was immediately institutionalized after this descent into madness.
And by the way, it goes without saying that almost all of these WTFs feature Nick "My Body Is Made of TEARS" Viall.
1. Nick Viall Is Actual Stalker, Might Be Manic Depressive
Please join us in a prayer circle for Nick Viall, who seems to have become a stage five clinger and a man on the brink. Nick's mental state has deteriorated so much that ABC felt the need to devote 10 minutes of the "ATFR" to his depression and routine stalking of Andi. Like, the poor dude is so far gone that his mom was interviewed while sobbing about what a broken man her son is. Of course, this is presumably all part of Chris Harrison's sinister plan to break Nick down, and then build him back up as his disciple. It's like The Bourne Identity all over again, guys.
2. Nick Kisses and Tells
Everyone knows that what happens in The Fantasy Suite stays in The Fantasy Suite, but apparently Nick didn't get the memo because he was high on the fumes of his own tears and despair. Much like Voldemort, little pieces of Nick's soul were systematically destroyed during The Bachelorette, and he completely lost the ability to bridle his passions. Which is presumably why he felt the need to declare "WHY DID YOU MAKE LOVE TO ME" during his face-to-face with Andi. Uncool, friend. Andi's chamber of secrets is closed to the public, and there's no guarantee that she had told Josh Murray about sexing up Nick. Luckily, Josh was too busy finger-gunning the audience (see above) to care.
3. Nick Gifts Andi with Creepy Vial Filled with "Essence of Nick Viall"
In case you need one more reason to worry about Nick's mental state, he chose to give Andi a bottle of dirt as a token of his affection. But not just any bottle of dirt. This dirt was special because apparently Nick was standing on it when he declared his non-reciprocal love for Andi. Naturally, she reacted to Nick's gift in the way anyone would react to being given some dirt in a vial by a crazy person: by pretending she loved it.
4. Chris Harrison Abducts Grumpy Cat
Someone please call Grumpy Cat's handlers, because she has been kidnapped by Chris Harrison. Did you see how Chris lunged at Andi and grabbed this famous feline out of her lap? It was terrifying — but not as terrifying as what happened next. Basically, Chris hung out on stage clutching Grumpy Cat to his heaving bosom and forcing people to take pictures of him making a frowny face. Who knows what happened after cameras stopped rolling, but we can assume Grumpy Cat is currently in a cell below Bachelor Mansion.
5. Josh and Andi May Have Created an Actual Baby During ATFR
So, apparently Josh and Andi are "in love," and they chose to celebrate that love by fornicating all over the ATFR stage. These two could not keep their paws off each other — and we use the word "paws" in the most literal sense possible. Josh was like an excited labrador retriever puppy up there — did you see him flopping around in glee while Andi scratched his belly? He was physically drooling.