In your face, Mayans! We survived the apocalypse. But now that everyone is still alive, the time has come to give up some vices in preparation for 2013. Even perfect human specimens like Bachelorette Emily Maynard have to make a few changes, and we've done her a solid by rounding up five New Year's Resolutions to get her over the 2013 humpty-hump.
5. Burn All Togas
Real talk: Emily is weirdly obsessed with togas. At this point, her innocent daughter, Ricki, is this close to submitting an application to My Strange Addiction — that's how deep Emily's problem runs. This lovely lady spent most of her time on The Bachelorette festooned in drapery, presumably because she pulled a Maria Von Trapp and attacked The Bachelor Pad's curtains. Make it stop.
4. Buy More Things Encrusted In Glitter
Remember when Mariah Carey starred in the Academy Award winning movie (sorry, film) Glitter? That was totally a secret biopic about Emily Maynard's life. Glitter, guys. She loves it! We want Emily to be happy, and if happiness comes in the form of sparkly pieces of plastic, then the more the merrier.
3. Win Dancing With The Stars
Have you heard the news? Emily Maynard may be sashaying her cares away on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars (it was built into her contract for The Bachelorette) and we couldn't be more excited. Lord knows Emily has mad skills (the running man, guys! The running man!) So, she’d better win this thing.
2. Adopt Some More Cats, Because WHY NOT?
Emily is a total cat lady, and it's kind of creepy –– but, like, in an adorable way. After all, what's sexier than a woman surrounded by kitty litter? Emily is already world-famous for her cat videos, so she may as well go all out and adopt a few more pals with paws. We suggest that she name all of them Chris Harrison.
1. Get Over Jef Holm...And Maybe Get Under Arie Luyendyk, Jr.
2012 was The Year of Jef Holm, but now it's time for Emily to move on. Ideally into the arms of Arie Luyendyk, Jr., the handsome Bachelorette runner-up who hails from the land of s’Hertogenbosch. Arie was so devoted to Emily that he flew all the way to Charlotte and left his "journal" on her doorstep, so it's about time to return the flirty favor.
Have any resolutions for Em? Dish them in the comments!