Bachelor Pad is two hours of drunken frolicking, drunken makeout sessions, drunken convos about life and feelings, and post-drunken game-playing. Basically, it's a giant WTF fest, and we can't get enough. This week featured undo amounts of slurred speech and ugly-crying, and we've rounded up the most WTF moments of the episode for you to look back on.
1. Kalon Stares At Himself In A Mirror, Looks Like American Psycho
Well, we can't pretend that we're not terrified of Kalon McMahon. As much as we love this Texan Beauty Queen and his cleft chin, we can't get on board with the fact that he spent almost 10 seconds looking at his shirtless body in the mirror while grinning. Lord knows how terrified the poor cameraman who filmed him was.
2. The Camera Shows Blakeley Waxing A Man-Butt, We Go Blind
You guys, Blakeley Jones really wants us to know that she spends her life "waxing p*ssies." Round of applause — best job ever. Unfortunately, girlfriend also waxes hairy man-bottoms, and for some reason ABC's cameras were allowed to film some poor random getting the follicles ripped out of his skin. It's moments like this that we're glad we're surrounded by empty bags of Doritos.
3. Meet Ryan, The 32-Year-Old Virgin
We have nothing to say about Ryan Hoag. Mostly because we have been stunned into silence by the fact that TLC still hasn't sent him a contract for his very own reality show. Just saying.
5. Ed Has A Drunken Meltdown, Takes Off All His Clothes
Let's talk about Ed Swiderski. We know, we know –– so many feelings. At this point, we think this dude might be suffering from PTSD as a result of winning The Bachelorette. How else do you explain the fact that he stripped off his clothes, hurled himself into a hot tub, spread Donna's legs while screaming "YES, YOU GOT IT!", and then had an emotional breakdown about the temperature of the water?
4. The Twins Give Us A Lesson In English Literature
Bachelor Pad is always full of surprises, and this week we got a impromptu lesson about American Literature, courtesy of The Twins. Basically, someone decided it would be funny to watch them ride a carousel (which it was), and then one of them blurted out "It's just like The Great Gatsby!" Nope, no explanation. Nothing. Consider yourself educated.
6. Everyone Is Really Bad At Math
Did anyone else notice that a full half hour of screen time was devoted to Paige Vigil and Erica Rose trying to figure out "the numbers?" Neither of them could add to save their life, and we're pretty sure Paige had to use her fingers to count up to 5. Someone help these people help themselves.
7. Blakeley Ugly Cries All Over Her Boobs
We hardly expected a tough girl like Blakeley to be the first lady to have an ugly crying breakdown on camera, but she was really emotionally damaged by Chris Bukowski’s makeout session with Jamie Otis. Actually, we all were. We know Blake is all about trust and whatnot, but Chris should be able to make out with as many ladies as he wants. Including us.