Do you need the perfect antidote to this week's amazing (read: traumatizing) episode of Bachelor Pad? We give you Ashley Spivey. This veteran of Chris Harrison's mind-control experiments is so wise, and she's serving up a plate of musings about our friends in The Pad. First up? Her take on Hot Sludge Funday, a horrifying obstacle course that gave us the munchies. As Ash says on her Bachelor Pad Blog, "It sounds sort of yummy until you think about how hungover they all are. I would vom all over the place if I had to fight my way through some ice cream in the hot sun."

But forget about sundaes, it's time to talk about Ed — who cannot stop doing it with the ladies. "Ed and Jaclyn hookup in private but everyone can hear their wild sex noises throughout the house," Ash says. "Weirdly, they sound exactly like some of the same sounds Ed made while hooking up with Sarah. I didn’t particularly understand why Sarah said that Jaclyn was clingy, since I’ve never got that impression from her before — so I’m just going to chalk it up to Sarah being butt-hurt that Ed had a new bed partner."

True that, girl. So, what is Ashley's take on Jamie's rejected proposition of Chris Bukowski? "I had to bless her heart a little extra when I saw her getting into her bed with her bikini still on.  One, why aren’t these girls washing their faces before they go to bed? Ewww. Secondly, wearing a wet bathing suit for an extended time can give you a gnarly yeast infection ladies!  (The more you know.)"

See why we love her? And to answer your question — yes, Ashley. We too laughed hysterically when Chris Harrison said "nutsack."

Source: Warner Brothers