Bless you, Ashley Spivey. Every week you blog Bachelor Pad 3 with an unparalleled wit. Your insights, one-liners and best-in-class Bachelor memes keep us reading week after week, and dying to share the very best bits.
This week was no exception. Ashley dished out some major sympathy for Rachel Truehart, who lost her partner and mancrush Michael Stagliano in last week’s elimination, leaving her no choice but to partner up with last-man-standing Nick Peterson. Neither is enthused — and Rachel spends the episode’s first hour sobbing her eyes into a state of unrecognizable puffiness.
Ashley jokes, “Rachel needs some cucumbers and a spa day stat! Bless her eyes!” But when Rachel starts talking about wanting to actually leave Bachelor Pad to be with Michael, Ashley also jabs, “Michael must be part magic or something because I don’t know any guy that would be worth giving up $250k.” Amen, Ashley!
Of course the Bachelor spelling catastrophe bee also provided Ashley with plenty of material. Chris Bukowski and Sarah Newlon’s win left her feeling like Ed Swiderski and Jaclyn Swartz’s words (such as “boutonniere”?!) had been too difficult. She notes of Chris and Sarah’s winning word, “Can I just say that serendipity was a lot easier than Ed and Jaclyn’s word?” We have to agree! Especially when AShley points out that the pair struggled with much easier words:
Rose ceremony? For the love of god, how can you be on this show for more than one season and not know how to spell ceremony? How can you make it past the 6th grade and not know how to spell ceremony? FACEPALMING EVERYWHERE!
As for Chris and Sarah’s overnight date and budding romance, Ashley’s not really impressed with that either, especially when Chris talks about Bachelorette Emily Maynard being his last “relationship.” She says,
Chris keeps saying that he is holding back from Sarah because he isn’t 100% over his relationship with Emily. I’m not sure if Chris knows what ‘holding back’ means. People that are ‘holding back’ don’t sleep with 3 other people if they aren’t over someone else.
Ever sarcastic, Ashley did get heart-warmed by uber-cute couple Lindzi Cox and Kalon McMahon, who leapt from his limo to ride off by Lindzi’s side. Ashley submits, “Kalon tells Lindzi that he couldn’t love her more and I didn’t even roll my eyes a little.” Aww!
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