full size Ed Swiderski Swings a Bat in Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 4
Credit: ABC via WENN

Did you enjoy this week's cornucopia of mouth-watering hotties on Bachelor Pad 3? Join the club — but now comes the hard part. It's time to figure out which dudes and dudettes are at the front of the whack pack! We've ranked the most powerful players from Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 4 based on their sex appeal, chance of winning, and variable degrees of drunkenness. Check it out!

Name: Rachel Truehart
Ranking: 5
Pros: Rachel was barely featured during this week's episode, but she somehow managed to convince Ed to gift her a rose. Our theory? Everyone thinks Rachel is some innocent lamb thanks to her last name, to which we say: look at Mel Gibson. Dude was in Braveheart, and he turned out to be a beaver-obsessed nut job. Do not trust a Truehart.
Cons: Rachel came in last place during this week's challenge, and if she doesn't up her game she might go home next week. Sure, The Stag can always prance in Bambi-style and save her, but we suggest Rachy practice the fine art of Whipped Cream Rhythmic Gymnastics just in case.

Name: Sarah Newlon
Ranking: 4
Pros: Now that Sarah has been dry-humped by Chris Bukowski, she's a major player in ABC's Hunger Games (resist urge to scream "I volunteer as tribute" at your computer screen). Chris controls the rose ceremonies, and Sarah controls Chris' pickle, ergo there's no way she can lose this thing.
Cons: Tragically, Chris' pickle is fickle, and it's only a matter of time before he gets bored of Sarah and trades her in for a new car. 

full size Ed Swiderski and Jaclyn Swartz on Bachelor Pad 3 Episode 4
Credit: ABC via Wenn

Name: Jaclyn Swartz
Ranking: 3
Pros: Jaclyn won the challenge this week, and even better? She got to pick which lucky couple was let out of their cell and into the wilds of LA. Plus, Jaclyn has been recently fueled by Ed's liquid gold, and we have a feeling she'll be kicking it into third for the rest of this competition.
Cons: Jaclyn isn't great at the physical aspect of Bachelor Pad, and we fear she won't do well in next week's tea-cup balancing act. Then again, she can always stun her haters into submission by flipping her beautiful golden mane at them.

full size Sarah Newlon and Chris Bukowski in Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 4
Credit: ABC via WENN

Name: Chris Bukowski
Ranking: 2
Pros: We have a feeling Chris won't get kicked out of Bachelor Pad until he's tongued his way around every single female in the house. The ladies aren't going to kick off someone who oozes so many sexy feremones, plus they need to keep Chris around if they want to hear stories about how adorable Jef Holm was on Bachelorette. 
Cons: It's only a matter of time before Chris catches a communicable disease. We're worried for him.

Name: Ed Swiderski
Ranking: 1
Pros: Everything. We love every single part of Ed's coat of many colors, from his freshly-waxed legs, to his crush on hot-dogs, to the way he stared at that wooden bat with so much love. Sure, he might be a sex-addicted super-freak, but he feels so many feelings! 
Cons: We have nothing bad to say. Ed is the last unicorn of Bachelor Pad and he deserves respect.