Did you enjoy this week's cornucopia of mouth-watering hotties on Bachelor Pad 3? Join the club — but now comes the hard part. It's time to figure out which dudes and dudettes are at the front of the whack pack! We've ranked the most powerful players from the season premiere based on their sex appeal, chance of winning, and variable degrees of drunkenness. Check it out!
Name: Blakeley Jones
Pros: All Blakeley cares about is winning money and waxing lady parts, and we have no doubt she will succeed on both counts. But if all else fails, girlfriend can exact revenge by pouring hot molten wax in everyone's thong bikinis.
Cons: What was that emotional fit of crying about? Pull yourself together and show Chris Bukowski what you're made of, Blakeley. And no, we're not talking about your silicone implants, we're talking about what's on the inside.
Name: Kalon McMahon
Pros: Kalon is a criminal mastermind who wants to take over the world one sideways smile at a time. We are fully confident that he will lie and manipulate his way to winning this season of Bachelor Pad — and we're also confident that he'll get bitch-slapped by our hand hitting the TV.
Cons: Kalon is all about making enemies, but if he isn't careful, the Bachelor Pad crew will gang up against him. He needs to stare at his six-pack in the mirror some more and strategize.
Pros: Chris has his eye on the prize and wants nothing more than to win the big bucks. He made a good call picking Blakeley as his partner, and together we're sure they can take down Chris Harrison and his curly hair of glory. Also, Chris has clearly developed a sinister plan to distract his competition with his shirtlessness. Watch out, Jamie Otis. You are going down.
Cons: Chris definitely knows what's up, but we're worried he'll be thrown off by the ample assets in front of him. There's no time for motorboating, Chris! Get your head out of Jamie's cleave, and into the game!
Name: Erica Rose
Pros: The second Erica learned that she might be voted out of Chris Harrison's hottie zone, she overcame her fit of ugly-crying and managed to convince almost all the dudes to vote for Paige. She is a master manipulator with hair that just won't quit, and in the words of John Travolta circa Grease: we got chills, they're multiplyin'.
Cons: We really wish Erica would stop touching her boobs on camera. That's the only fault we can find in an otherwise perfect human specimen.
Name: The Twins
Pros: Double the pleasure, double the fun! The Twins have a major edge on the competition thanks to the fact that they count as one point, but let's get real. That's pretty much all these two have going for them — except for Twinsense and Twinergy, duh.
Cons: It appears as though The Twins only have one brain cell between them. And that brain cell loves The Great Gatsby, skinny-dipping, and doing cartwheels in random fields. Will The Twins lovable ditziness be their ultimate downfall?