You’re going to watch the Bachelor Pad Season 3 premiere on Monday, right? Dude, don’t be an ugly loser! Or a professional liar! Or that bitch, payback! Be the new car smell Bobblehead Chris Bukowski loves and watch the drama play out on July 23. But first read these quotes from the wonderful BP3 preview shown during tonight’s The Bachelorette “The Men Tell All” special.

Rachel Truehart [during BP3 preview]: "Money is ugly."
But not as ugly as drunken crying!

Lindzi Cox: "She'll throw her body at a dead dog if it's going to get her ahead in life."
Just stay away from the dead horses!

Kalon McMahon: "I need $250,000. Helicopter fuel is expensive."
So is luxury *baggage*

Ed Swiderski: "There are professional liars here."
And several amateurs who just need their big break.

Michael Stagliano: "Oh my God, it's already a hell hole!"
But as Spinal Tap noted, folks lend a hand in a hell hole.

Rachel [on the super fans]: "You didn't earn your spot here. You didn't get dumped on national television yet."
Or endure a super awkward date with Ben Flajnik, like half the girls on BP3.

Erica Rose [to David Mallet]: "I think you’re an ugly loser and, like, your plan is not going to work. I'm going to make your life a living hell, so enjoy that."
But I’ll still be kissing you whenever I can, because you’re male and that’s how I roll.

Lindzi [on Kalon]: "America hates him but I kind of think he's awesome."
Agreed. [Ducks]

Chris: "Being in bed with Blakeley is like being in prison. Jamie is a very pretty girl. But out with the old and in with the new. It's like buying a new car — you've got the nice new car smell. But the best thing I have done is trade in Blakeley and Jamie for someone new."
Um, yeah … check out these reasons why Chris would be a good Bachelor and, um … yeah.

Ed [apparently about Reid]: "He is my #1 enemy."
No, no, no — those green shorts from The Bachelorette are still your #1 enemy.

Reid Rosenthal: "Payback is a bitch."
And as we learned earlier, money is ugly — so the payback will be an ugly bitch.

Ed: "I am going to f-cking smash this guy."
Hulk smash Reid?