Credit: ABC via WENN

Erica Rose, otherwise known as the queen of our mean girl hearts, is one-lining her way through Bachelor Pad 3 one unsuspecting superfan at a time. But don’t get us wrong: We don’t exactly feel bad for Dave. In her ABC blog of the BP3 premiere, Erica shows off Paris Hilton-level self-awareness and teases the upcoming feud with Dave “Ugly Loser” Mallet. Here are a few choice snippets from this week’s blog:

On Ed’s drunken alter-ego: “As the night progressed, Ed’s drunkenness did as well. We like to call his drunk alter-ego Ted. It was funny that Chris Harrison had to drag him back inside. Chris can be like our dad sometimes, even though he is not that much older than us. Speaking of age, I am 29 not 30!!!”

The wrath of Erica: “I did not know that I really had anything to worry about until Dave told me that he was going to vote against me! Bad move. Not only did he then have to endure the wrath of me when I’m mad, which as we saw I can be pretty bitchy. But also, that sent me into a tailspin of fake crying and campaigning to get the rest of the guys to all vote the same way.”

On getting a rose — and Dave’s coming doom: “I love the look of disappointment on Kalon’s face when I got my rose. Also, Dave looked pretty shocked too. I think he is worried that I will actually try to make his life a living hell now that I’m still in the house. You will have to wait until next week to see if I really do.”

Read the rest of Erica’s blog here.