Credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN Photo: Julien Hug at a Habitat for Humanity Build Site for "The Bachelor Gives Back" in Pacoima, California, on May 22, 2010
Julien Hug's girlfriend Jennifer Bell calls the experience of losing the man she planned to marry "beyond painful" in an interview with RadarOnline.com. According to Bell, the former Bachelorette contestant — whose November 3rd death was ruled a suicide — was a "free spirit...a pure man — nothing but pure goodness." Bell and Hug had been dating for three years and were discussing marriage. "We talked about getting married in Montauban, France," says Bell. "He even spoke French to me. He spoke the language so eloquently and lovely."

The pair were living together in a San Diego condo for the past two years. During that time, Bell got to know the real Hug. "He was so misunderstood in many ways. People wanted him to be this Bachelorette star. That TV show was not even one percent of who he was," says Bell. "He went on that show to travel and explore adventure."

Bell also offered glimpses of the man that Bachelorette audiences never got a chance to know. "Everything in our condo reminds me of him. It will be so heart-wrenching to step into our house again. Our photos. His smell. His motorcycle. Our life was there... He had such a radiant smile. Julien was a free spirit. He didn't care about his looks. He loved adventure... The man never said a poor word about anyone. He taught us how to live. He was incredibly intelligent. He was a veracious reader, he devoured books. He touched so many lives."

Reflecting on what could have driven Hug to commit suicide, Bell speculated that he may have been more conflicted than anyone realized. "Maybe he was masking pain that we don't know yet. Maybe he was wearing a costume. But regardless of whatever happened, we lost a beautiful man. A beautiful soul. I lost part of my life." Bell certainly did not suspect Hug was suicidal, saying "His death is so unexpected."

Though Bell is devastated about losing Hug, she's focusing on his life and legacy. "Julien taught me how to live life. That's how I want to everyone to remember him... He was my life."