The promo for Bachelor Pad 3's season finale is 24 seconds of O-faces, questionable jewelry, blinding studliness, and traitorous forest animals. If you watched it and still no idea what kind of WTFathon to expect — fear not. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:01 – Blakeley Looks Worried, Might Start Sobbing
Probably realized she forgot to peel the wax off her lady parts.
0:05 – Chris Says Words Out Of His Mouth, Etc
All that matters is that dashing grey suit. Swoon!
0:06 – Jamie Shows Up in Unexplained Tribal Headgear
There's no better way of giving an ex-BF the ol' "eff you" than by slapping some stick-on fake diamonds next to your eyes.
0:07 – Jaclyn Screams "We Don't All Need to Be Friends" While Wearing Hot Pink Mesh
Correction: hot pink see-through mesh.
0:12 – Jaclyn Calls Jamie "Socially Awkward," We Knock Back a Goblet Of Wine
How dare you, Jaclyn? The only thing awkward about Jamie are those giant metal "earrings" that she's attached the her earlobes. Oh, and the aforementioned headgear.
0:15 – Michael Eye-Rolls at Rachel While Wearing Sperry Top Siders Sans Socks
Yikes, looks likes these two didn't get their happily ever after. Probably because The Stag is busy with his King of the Forest duties.
0:18 – Michael Says He Didn't Go On BP3 To Find a Wife, Candles Flicker In Horror
Um, your acoustic guitar says otherwise, The Stag.
0:21 – Rachel Calls Michael a Schmuck, We Clutch Our Pearls
How. Dare. You?