Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney Photo: Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi Couple Up in Bachelor Pad 2, Episode 5

Crap. So much for “no” meaning “no.” We said it about 100 times when Blake Julian and Erica Rose gave their safety roses to “the most-in-love couple” in the house — Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi — on Bachelor Pad Season 2, Episode 5.

As a result, we lost our beloved Erica and Holly Durst’s beloved Blake, thanks to an infuriating challenge twist, a dumb decision by Princess E and Flying Squirrel, and a betrayal from the couple that promised to save them. Just like they vowed to protect Ames Brown and Jackie Gordon. Everyone who leaves this show talks about how the Padawans are all friends in real life — and if that’s true they should all apply for canonization. You’d have to be a saint to not hold a grudge, especially against K&V.

For reasons best known to no one, the runners-up in The Nearlywed Game challenge were given two roses to hand out to another couple. Mission implausible! Blake and Erica decided they should give to roses to Kasey and Vienna instead of — obvious alertElla Nolan and Kirk DeWindt. Why? WHY? Because Kasey gave his word to Blake and Erica that they would be safe. Ha. Maybe he meant safe from having to hear more of his fights with Vienna about their non-sex life. (Wes Hayden and Dave Good, really, V? Whaow!)

At one point on his hilarious date with Erica, Blake said he was worried that he was back in a partnership with someone who was being ruled by their emotions. Yeah. That’s you, Blake. Blake’s feelings for Holly destroyed his own game and, because they ended up tied together, Erica’s game. She was right about everything. Poor Erica. She was the only girl in the house who even tried to guard and protect herself. She deserved so much better. And she may need to find a new astrologer. Herb was wrong about her making the final two couples.

It should’ve been Kasey and Vienna to go home. No question. Talk about untrustworthy. But, if not them, Michael Stagliano and Holly Durst. They carry a lot of drama around them, but everyone likes them anyway. They are a popular couple and, honestly, if Kasey and Vienna got to the end it would be pretty easy to beat them. They burned so many bridges. This isn’t Survivor. The slash-and-burn strategy isn’t likely to work here.

Read on for a full recap of Episode 5:

Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney Photo: Graham Bunn and Michelle Money High-Five in The Nearly Wed Game in Bachelor Pad 2, Episode 5


YOU NEED TO FIND A PARTNER

Right after the rose ceremony where Melissa Schreiber and our beloved William Holman went home, Chris Harrison tells everyone they have to pair up with a partner. From now on, they will be competing as a couple and will be voted out as a couple. He doesn’t say they have to do male-female partnerships, so why can’t Erica and Ella pair up or something?

Holly says she wants to be Blake’s partner but she already promised Michael she’d stick with him. It’s a good strategic move for her to be paired with Stag, since he’s very popular and he’d help her in the end. So, since Blake and Erica are the only people left, they pair up. By the way, Erica’s right. She’s prettier than Holly. And Holly is annoying. But since Holly is in a good position to get to the end and keep her boy toy off the show, the jury is out on which girl is smarter.

Vienna and Kasey think that, as the only “real” couple in the house, losing this challenge will be “impossible” for them. Funny how V always thinks she’ll win and she’s actually won … how many times?

THE NEARLYWED GAME

Love the cheesy game show music in the background as Chris explains the rules. The first and second place couples get to enjoy dates away from the house, he says.

How many dates does your partner need before making whoopee?

Ella: 5
Kirk: 5
So Kirk got it right.

Vienna: 22 (Really?!)
Kasey guesses 7.
No point!

Erica: 3
Blake: 3
Erica: “I’m kind of a slut.” That’s our girl! At least she didn’t say “1,” which is probably the honest answer for most of the people in this house.

Michelle: 7
Graham: 7

Holly: 14
Michael: 3
Ha! They dated for two years. She said they didn’t sleep together until their 32nd date?

If your partner were an animal, what animal would he be?

Kirk: A fish
Ella: Tiger

Mike: Polar bear
Holly: Polar bear

Blake: Flying squirrel
Erica: Flying squirrel
(Jumping from girl to girl?)

Kasey: Rabbit
Vienna: Lion
(It’s telling how little they know about each other.)

What qualities do you think your exes miss the most?

Ella: Her attitude
Kirk: Her positive attitude
(Really? Not her lips or her ta-tas?)

Holly: Her personality
Stag: Her yes

Michelle: Her sense of humor
Graham: Humor
Erica says Michelle doesn’t have a sense of humor. Sorry, E, but The Money has an awesome sense of humor. Did you miss The Bachelor Season 15?

Vienna: Her boobs
Kasey: Her teeth
(Ha! The correct answer is probably “nothing,” but boobs is closer.)

Which quality do you think your ex-girlfriends complained about the most?

Kasey: That he was insecure
Vienna: Facial hair
Vienna: “I thought he had an IQ of 177.” Who is this, now? Kasey?

If your partner could kiss another member of the opposite sex in this house, who would it be?

Blake: Holly
Erica: Holly

If your partner could sleep with another person in the house, who would that be?

Holly: Blake (Blake’s smile is so smug)
Stag: He picked himself. D’oh!
Stag: “I don’t like Blake very much.” Sorry, dude. Time to move on.

Who is your partner’s least favorite person in the house?

Stag: Blake (“it rhymes with snake”)
Holly: Blake

Kirk: Blake
Ella: Blake

Kasey: Blake
Vienna: Blake
(Now Blake knows how Erica felt during the egg-throwing challenge. Funny how no one blames Holly for wanting to sleep with this guy everyone hates.)

At the end, Erica & Blake are tied with Michelle & Graham for the lead. K&V are in last place.

How many people has your partner had sex with?

Graham: 7
Michelle: 7

Who does your partner think has the worst sense of fashion in the house?

Graham: Michael
Michelle: Michael

Who in the house is most likely to cheat?

Graham: Michael (Whuh?)
Michelle: Michael (Why should she pick him?)

How old was your partner when he lost his virginity?

Blake: 16
Erica: 16

Kasey: 21
Vienna: 21

Graham: 7 (WHAT?)
Michelle: 7
Oooh, that’s Graham’s strategy. He didn’t really lose his virginity at age 7. Any numerical answer they said 7. Any guy answer, they said Michael. Any girl answer, they said Holly. BRILLIANT!

Who does your partner think is the most irritating person in the house?

Kasey: Erica (but he spelled it Ericka)
Vienna: Erica

Erica: Vienna
Blake: Vienna

Michelle: Holly
Graham: Mike
They messed up their strategy.

Who in the house is your partner’s secret crush?

Erica: Holly
Blake: Ella
It was supposed to be Erica’s crush, which is Ella. Good crush!

Michelle: Mike
Graham: Mike

So Team Money Bunns wins the rose, thanks to some smart-arse strategy. Good work! Blake and Erica win second place, so they also get a date. Ha! They know they are on the chopping block now.

Erica wisely talks to Stag about how his anger, confusion and sadness shouldn’t be directed at Blake, a guy he just met, instead of Holly, someone he has such a history with. Erica is the one doing all the work to save them. Blake figures he laid his bed so now he just wants to have fun with Holly. Fine for Holly, but if Blake goes down, Erica goes down.


GRAHAM AND MICHELLE’S DATE

Date card: “Graham and Michelle, make it a movie night and enjoy a private screening of the movie, What’s Your Number?” (Not Midway to Heaven?)

A helicopter arrives to pick up Team Money Bunns and cart them off to downtown L.A. just in time for a beautiful sunset. Michelle wants a chance to get closer to Graham, who is pretty reserved. The more she gets to know Graham, the more she likes him. Graham calls Michelle insanely hot. “I don’t know how much better you can do than Michelle.” True.

The movie plug is very Survivor. They’ve done that a couple of times, where they watch a movie outside and the contestants relate to the film, etc. During the film, Graham slowly crept over to Michelle and gave her a kiss like she’s never been kissed. Stop rubbing it in!

Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney Photo: Michael Stagliano Holds a Card in The Nearly Wed Game in Bachelor Pad 2, Episode 5

VIENNA DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH KASEY

The way they act, no one should want to have sex with either of them. “The most in love couple” is now fighting over the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex with him in this house. Kasey is sexually frustrated. Kasey says V did say she wanted to have sex, then she changed her mind.

Vienna: “You just ripped a ring off my finger because I won't have sex with you.” She says no means no.

Kasey: “You never said no. You said yes. Jut like you told Wes, just like you told Dave Good...”

OH SNAP. She slept with both Wes and Dave? What about Jesse Kovacs?

This is a mansion, not a trailer park, Erica Rose says. Vienna needs to go back where she came from and take Kasey with her. The scene ends with V&K in bed, with Vienna saying they should just get it over with. How romantic.

BLAKE AND ERICA’S DATE

Date card: “Blake and Erica, your mission is romance.”

Why does Holly read the card, except for dramatic effect? Erica asks everyone to leave so she can talk to Blake. It’s true that however he acts now reflects on her. It’s smart of her to pull him aside to talk about how flirting with Holly upsets Stag and turns everyone against him and, thereby, her.

Blake thinks Stag should just make a move on Holly. He finds it “ludicrous” that “this impotent man” — Stag — can have so much influence. Then let’s get rid of him, Erica says. That means he has to detach himself from Holly, since she is tied to Stag.

It’s a smart strategy. Holly and Michael are a more threatening couple in terms of winning. K&V are so annoying, who would vote for them to win anything? But can Blake detach himself from Holly? This guy started as a good strategist but he’s turned into an emotional implosion.

Erica is really horny and wants to get in the missionary position with Blake. Still, Holly keeps up her flirting — and rationalizing — walking into the kitchen in a bikini to distract Blake. She’s a player, this one.

While Blake and Erica are gone, the rest of the Padawans trash Blake. Except Holly, who saw a different side of him.

Erica and Blake take a limo to the Mission Inn, a gorgeous hotel. So that’s their “mission” to have romance. Erica puts her hand on Blake’s knee and talks about keeping in touch with friends who have passed away and how her astrologist, Herb, said she would be one of the final two couples. She also said Herb told her there would be romance closer to the end of the season. Cue more feeling up his leg. Blake isn’t into it. Remember when he said she was a bit “thick” on the premiere?

That night, they find two roses and a note that says “Your mission is to save one couple from elimination.” Whuh? Why can’t they save themselves? What a dumb thing, to give the runners-up two roses to save other folks. But, if they have to give the roses away, why not give them to Kirk and Ella? They are worth saving. No one else is.

After this, Erica lays the “I want sexy time” argument on pretty thick. Blake is “stressed out” and probably needs to brush his teeth for 40 more seconds. Any excuse he can find. Erica and Kasey hooked up in the past and they should get back together. Both are horny and sexually frustrated. Just get it on.

Blake doesn’t want an overnight date. Erica thinks if they come home early it’s going to show that Blake is still interested in Holly and make things worse. Love this argument. The lawyer vs. the dentist. Blake says he’s been burned before (Melissa!) and doesn’t want to go through this again. But Erica brought some sexy lingerie!

Erica: “I need to take those little pillow lips for a test run.”

Love her! She really should’ve paired up with Ella. Blake looks scared. He’s right, though, if the roles were reversed it would be weird if he was so persistent. No means no! But she’s also right: He hooked up with a girl who is bat-sh*t crazy and a girl who has a boyfriend.; meanwhile, she hooked up with a guy who was The Bachelor, but not crazy or had a girlfriend. She doesn’t have to worry about her reputation. He does.

MICHAEL TALKS TO HOLLY

Holly is just getting worshipped left and right on this show. Is there any way to do another season with her on it, maybe not surrounded by guys who coddle her every five minutes? It’d be nice for her to have to work for this, like Erica is having to work it.

Stag tells Holly he wants to kiss her every time he sees her. She wants to know why he hasn’t said any of this to her in the last three months. Why did he wait until now — on TV — right when she had a chance with someone else? Is he just jealous, noticing how other guys respond to her? She wanted to get back together with him a while ago and he had checked out. Now she’s checked out.

Holly talks to Ella about how she wishes everyone could see how things really were in her relationship with Stag. He had all this time to say something and he waits until now to drop a bomb? It’s true. He should’ve said something a long time ago, not on TV. Is this just a strategy to get sympathy?

Holly is worried that Blake might just be playing the game. And she knows Blake is a man and Erica is “persistent” so she thinks they may stay overnight. But if she really feels that strongly about Blake, why not be partners with him?

WHO GETS THE TWO SAFETY ROSES?

Erica is mature about the non-overnight date decision. The next day, she and Blake just get down to business. Erica tells Ella and Kirk about the two roses “mission.” Ella said she wasn’t planning on voting out Blake and Erica anyway, so if they got the roses it would be a good idea. And they need the roses the most of any couple, besides Erica and Blake. They can all vote out Kasey and Vienna and life will be glorious.

Kasey and Vienna come into the room, so Erica and Blake tell them about the roses. K&V can be manipulative, Ella says, because Kasey tells everyone exactly what they want to hear.

Kasey tells them “You give us that rose and I’m telling you you’ll be safe.” He says if anyone else gets the rose, they’ll be stabbed in the back. He says they’d be fools to give the roses to anyone else. He says to trust him.

So … they decide to give the roses to Kasey and Vienna. D’oh! Why can’t anyone just vote them out already?

Ella starts sobbing. She thinks this will be the end of her chance to win $250,000 for her son. Except, Kirk is close friends with Kasey. Kasey is going to save his boy and go back on his word.

WHO GOES HOME?

Blake isn’t worried about going home. He trusts that Kasey can convince everyone else to vote his way. (Why is it always Kasey’s job? What does Vienna do when she’s not busy not having sex with Kasey?) Blake’s decides to concentrate on snuggling with Holly. He doesn’t care, or maybe notice, that Stag sees him kissing Holly. Stag says Holly can do what she wants, but he also knows that Holy said she loved him. He thinks Blake took his hope away from him. Stag wants Blake gone. Michelle and Graham want Blake gone. They don’t trust him. He violates “man code.”

Vienna doesn’t think she could win against Ella with her backstory. K&V say everyone has a backstory, but that’s something you bring up at the end. (Did V give her family some of that tabloid money she got for selling her breakup with Jake? Just asking.)

Michelle said it’s not about who is more deserving of the money, it’s about who has earned the right to win the money. Blake is out. And, unfortunately, Erica has to go down with his ship.

Graham is open to Blake in saying he and Michelle are voting for Blake and Erica to go home. Blake feels betrayed since Kasey promised he could sway Team Money Bunns. Vienna tells Kasey they tried, but that’s her playing Lady Macbeth again. Even Kasey admits they didn’t try.

Holly talks to Michael about saving Blake. Stag doesn’t get why she doesn’t have his back. They are a team, not Holly and Blake. Stag leaves it as Holly’s decision. We see her crying in the bathroom with Ella. She’s the deciding vote? She doesn’t want to hurt Michael but she doesn’t want to lose Blake either. It’s better to please your partner, though. If you tick him off, you also tick off the others. Bad strategic move. So she does the smart thing.

ROSE CEREMONY

There are only four roses to hand out, since Graham and Michelle and Kasey and Vienna are already safe. Why can’t anyone vote out Michael and Holly? They are major sources of drama.

1. Holly and Michael
2. Ella and Kirk

Blake and Erica are eliminated. Holly gave Blake a note as he left and he read it aloud in the limo. Should he have done that?

COMING UP

Last week is the final challenge that determines the final two couples. The finale itself will air on Sept. 12, but it’s being taped tomorrow, Tuesday, Sept. 6. Spoilers will probably be posted sometime that day or Wednesday.