DATE WITH CONSTANTINE
Date card: Constantine, "Let's sea Phuket together"
Nick is jealous and hopes it rains on their date. It does.
Constantine Tzortzis is very easy on the eyes. Are we crazy or is there some Christian Bale mixed in with the Jason Segel? He hasn't seen her since last week. How much time has passed since the last rose ceremony?
They plan to take a boat out, but some guy tells them the weather is too bad and the waves are too strong. So they just decide to wander around and go shopping. The local hangout dates are always the best anyway.
They talk to a local guy who has been married for 36 years. His advice for them? Forgive and forget and "don't try to win." This strikes a chord with Ashley, since she wants to make sure the guys are here for her and not to just “win.”
They are both sweating in the heat, sitting around, drinking beer. They toast to “not winning.” Somewhere, Charlie Sheen is appalled.
They race each other in the rain. They have a nice friendship chemistry and maybe it can develop into something more. (If not, we’ll give him a try.) Ashley says she’s still thinking about Bentley, but she’s also ready to open her heart to the other guys. You know, because it’s been a few minutes.
At dinner, Ashley considers talking to Constantine about her feelings for Bentley, so he knows why she seems kind of out of it. No! Do not treat him like one of your girlfriends.
Ashley and Constantine talk about honesty. She realizes not every guy is going to be into her — this is good to hear — and she just wants honesty from the guys. That’s not too much to ask and it would be nice if they take her up on that offer. Constantine says a lot of words that boil down to, “I want to stick around.” But even Ashley sees that their chemistry right now is more on the buddies hanging out level.
Back on the ranch, Blake, Ben F., and JP talk about who has kissed Ashley. JP wants a list. It chaps his ass that the girl he’s dating is smooching other guys. If he’s the jealous type, he’s not going to be into her Bentley obsession. Blake compares Ashley to a piece of fruit they are all after. They think Constantine is kissing Ashley ‘cause he’s a “ladies man.” Hmmm...
Back at dinner, Constantine — whose hair is still wet, somehow — reveals that he is a fast-talker like Ben Castoriano. He also says “awesome” as often as Ali Fedotowsky said “amazing.” In the past, he tells Ashley, he was so afraid of being hurt he would sabotage his own relationships. That sounds like Ashley on The Bachelor. The new and improved Constantine is here. Version 2.0.
Constantine tells the camera that Ashley is “cute,” but he says it in such an offhanded way. They play in the ocean. He gets a rose.
Ah, it’s been a week since He Who Must Not Be Named left. She needs to ask the guys some serious questions.
We see her talk to West. She calls him a really sweet guy but she knows his wife passed away a few years ago and she wants to know he’s ready to think about marriage again. West says it is a situation that takes a while, but he’s taken some time for himself and he’s in a completely different place now. He’s very much ready to move on, he says. She’s worried that she would have some big shoes to fill. His face is very shiny. She’s just not into him. How many times does he have to say he’s ready to move on?
Oh for heaven’s sake, the guys are still trash-talking Ryan. They seem to think Ashley is aware of the situation and agree with them in some way.
Blake tells Ryan he’s grating on all of the guys. It’s tough to put a finger on it, but it’s a matter of intensity. He gets loud and boisterous and excited about things. He goes on to say people are still trying to get a feel on how genuine Ryan is. “Ashley shows up and a different Ryan comes out. It just seems like you’re trying really hard to say the perfect thing all the time and be very politically correct all the time and it comes across as somewhat disingenuous at times.” (In other words, “We think you’re Jake Pavelka 2.0.”)
Blake said Ashley needs to see the intense Ryan. Ashley grills poor Ryan on whether he’s always really happy or what. “I’m bursting with a lot of love in my chest,” Ryan says. He’s cheesy, but there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s real.
DATE WITH AMES
Date card: Ames, "It's more romantic in the rain"
Ashley wants to know Ames away from a group setting. Ames has been to Phuket before — alone. He’s a big traveler. Ames is witty and cute and all kinds of interesting. But does he have chemistry with her?
He came to Thailand to climb the mountains after graduating from college and he came for cooking school last August. Wow. He just does wild stuff at the last minute. Like … apply to be on The Bachelorette!
They go sailing around islands and then go kayaking into some kind of cave. Ames has been to 70 countries?! Can we even name 70 countries?
Ames is kind of ripped, actually. He tells Ashley his best first date was after meeting a girl at a shoe store. Now we know: Shoe stores are the new Match.com. Ashley wants a guy who is devoted. Ames wants someone who is spontaneous, open-minded, and empathetic.
Ashley is seeing Ames in a new light. And of course she has to talk about Bentley again. Come on. Ames is cute, saying his heart is beating so fast because he really has feelings for Ashley. They are both nerds, in a good way. Ivy Leaguers!
They have a nice dinner talk. Ashley says she wants to raise kids in a more populated area than where she grew up in Madanowhere, Maine. He has no checklist for what he wants in a woman (unlike He Who Must Not Be Named). Why is Ashley so surprised at Ames? What did she expect, that he would be dull?
Ames gets the rose. He’s a keeper. Adorable. But, they did not kiss. They seem to have a great connection — better than her connection with Ben F. and Constantine and … pretty much everyone but JP
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, but the rain in Thailand dumps on everything — especially Mr. Sunshine. Without Bentley Williams, Masked Jeff, or Drunk Tim, there’s a drama vacuum on The Bachelorette Season 7, which the show has chosen to fill with a new game: Is Ryan Park annoying and fake? Or is he just … happy?
It’s a lame game, but it passes the time.
And there’s still a lot of time to kill, especially when only one guy goes home on Episode 4 — sucks to be you, West Lee!
Even if we didn’t know Bad News Bozo was coming back, we could’ve guessed it from all the times Ashley talks about him. If we made a drinking game out of her Bentley name-drops we’d all turn into Drunk Tim.
Read on for a full recap of the soggy, but very sweet (Ames!) and kinda sexy (JP and Constantine!) Episode 4:
Date card: Ben F., JP, Blake, Mickey, West, Ben C, Nick, Lucas, William, Ryan — "Let's make the world a better place"
Ashley and her 10 boyfriends renovate the Baan San Fan orphanage, which is home to some of the children who lost their parents in the 2004 tsunami. They paint, they move furniture. The guys are impressed that Ashley wanted to do this.
Mickey said if anyone is going to try to attract attention and make himself visible it’s Ryan. Blake said Ryan has a “different” personality and he irks people. Ben F. said there are times when his Ryan meter gets maxed out, since Mr. Sunshine is constantly “on.” Lucas says Ryan is getting on some people’s nerves.
As these words are said, we see Ryan directing people or at least trying to be a leader. So what? Who cares if he has a big personality? If that’s the worst of his traits, we’ll keep him. Or Ashley will and she’s the only one that matters.
Meanwhile, Ashley is afraid she’s losing the guys’ attention. They are busy doing things that have nothing to do with her. She mentions Bentley again.
Ben and his beanie express their artistic side by painting a mural. When the kids come in, it’s like the reveals on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It’s nice when this show can be positive! They get new bikes and hula-hoops and play soccer.
It has nothing to do with love and romance, but it’s very sweet. JP said he is forever changed by this experience.
That night, they go to a bar. Ryan P. tells the camera that Ashley is “frickin’ rad.”
Ben has some sit-down time with Ashley. He’s confident because he knew Ashley had been “buzzing” around him at the orphanage. They flirt a little bit, but it’s not exactly fireworks. He kisses her. Everyone seems sweaty. But Ashley sees Ben’s confidence growing and she likes that.
Meanwhile, Blake and the other guys are trash-talking Ryan. William tells the camera the reason the guys don’t like Ryan is intimidation. They think he’ll be in the final four. The other guys don’t think there’s any way that he has the traits she wants. WHY?
Ryan sits with Ashley and says he gets along with guys. He doesn’t know that the other guys dislike him. He wants to know what she’s looking for. She wants that feeling and she wants someone she wants to touch and flirt with. He is so sweet with her and he seems genuine.
However, JP, Mickey, and Blake are continuing their Ryan discussion. JP wasn’t on the last group date at the comedy roast, but he says judging by everybody else’s reaction to Ryan getting the rose, “I'd say if he got it again, people would just leave.”
WHY? Were they there when Ryan comforted Ashley and told her he was there for her? That’s why he got the rose. Duh!
Ashley and JP head down to the beach. It’s still pouring rain. Ashley thinks JP is a little standoff-ish with her and she wants to know why. He holds an umbrella and they talk about their next one-on-one date. He says he’s not going anywhere. Their PJ date was the perfect date, he says. Then he gets all shy. Then they kiss. Ooh doggie! She says he is the best kisser by far, which Ben F. must love hearing.
JP carries Ashley back to the dinner. Ashley wants to give her rose to someone who exemplifies what she’s looking for. She’s about to hand out the rose when Ryan steals her away.
Blake calls Ryan “Mr. Wonderful” and says the move screams of “foul play.” Lucas screams out “Goober!” Did they cast David Good all over again? “Man code” really sucks sometimes. How is it rude for Ryan to try to spend as much time with Ashley as possible?
Ashley gives the rose to Ben Flajnik. He’s really low-key. He says he’s on Cloud 9 but he looks like he’s about to fall asleep.
TRAVEL TO THAILAND
It’s fun to see how excited the guys get when told they can leave that horrible mansion with a thousand rooms, a pool, and free booze. Poor trapped little birds. They’re psyched to go on “the mother of all road trips” to Phuket, Thailand. If only the guys showed as much excitement about Ashley herself.
Miss A, on the other hand, is still talking about He Who Must Not Be Named (Bentley — not Voldemort) . But she’s also talking to some “navigator” woman at the Renaissance Phuket Resort and Spa, telling the lady she has to plan dates for 12 hot guys. We’re pretty sure someone does that for her, right?
Ashley sits down with Chris Harrison and they review the week.
Ash calls Ames the sweetest guy she’s ever met in her life. (Should Ames be the Bachelor, if Ashley doesn’t pick him?) She also says going into her date with Ames, she expected he would be going home. How are you liking these backhanded compliments, Ames?
Ashley is still a little bit hung up on He Who Must Not Be Named. They had no closure, so the “dot-dot-dot” thing is still an issue. Geez, Ash!
Having said that, she wants to break the rules and add a rose, so she only sends one guy home.
Constantine, Ben F., and Ames already have roses.
2. Ryan (Suck it, man code!)
8. Ben C.
Going home: West. It’s a very cold, casual goodbye. No tears.
Since his wife passed, he says this is the first time he’s let it all hang out, so to speak. He had a great love and it’s gone, but at least he had it.
Next they are going to Chiang Mai, Thailand. Ashley is still thinking about He Who Must Not Be Named. Bentley comes back. But … it’s not meant to be this coming week, it’s supposed to be two weeks from now in Hong Kong. Ashley is upset that the guys feel closer to each other than her, but don’t you remember when Ashley Spivey said she was more in love with Ashley Hebert than Brad Womack? The contestants should just date each other. (Like on Bachelor Pad!)
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