Did you enjoy this week's feast of mouth-watering hunks on The Bachelorette? Join the club, but now comes the hard part. It's time to figure out which eligible bachelors are at the front of the pack!
We've ranked the most powerful players from Season 8, Episode 2, based on their sex appeal, personality, and variable degrees of insanity. Check it out!
Name: Kermit The Frog
Pros: He was our best friend when we were five, and he seems crazy about Emily despite the fact that he's the size of one of her lady lumps.
Cons: He isn't human, which could land Emily in some kind of prison. Also, striped jumpsuits are not a good look for anyone.
Name: Tony Pieper
Pros: Tony is nothing if not dedicated to Emily. He just wants to tell her all about his journey as a modern day lumberjack, mmmk?
Cons: Though we're thrilled that Tony shaved off his sinister soul patch, we're worried about his mental stability. Mostly because the preview for next week shows him hunched in a corner sobbing about his son. Uh, didn't you get the memo? Kids that aren't named Ricki don't exist.
Name: Kalon "C*ck Block" McMahon
Pros: Despite the fact that everyone hates him and his Louis Vuitton luggage, Kash Money Kalon has managed to impress Emily with his cocky smile and love for white sweaters. We genuinely feel like he's the Scott Disick of the group, and hopefully he'll start looking like this next week.
Cons: Mo' money, mo' problems.
Name: Ryan Bowers
Pros: Ryan was perfectly happy to be Emily's house hubby for the day, and like an obedient labrador, he did as he was told and stayed in the car. Even better? He barely flinched when Emily introduced him to her hoards of fans (read: ABC extras)!
Cons: We have several concerns. A) Who is taking care of Ryan's puppy? B) What is up with his hair? C) Dude better get comfortable in an apron, because we have a feeling Em will make him do a lot of housework.
Name: Jef Holm
Pros: Everything. Jef is sweet, bashful, honest, and hipster. He's what would happen if Dan Humphrey had babies with James Dean.
Cons: His hair coif was slightly limp this week. OMG, Jef, are you feeling ok?!?!?!