Credit: ABC via WENN Photo: Doug, Sean, Emily, and Jef in The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 5

There are only 8 eligible bachelors left in Emily Maynard's love nest, and now she's faced with the impossible task of whittling them down, one stud at a time. Clearly, girlfriend needs help managing her hotties — and that's where we come in.  

We've ranked the most powerful players from Season 8, Episode 5, based on their sex appeal, personality, and variable degrees of insanity. Check it out!

Credit: ABC/NICK RAY

Name: Ryan Bowers
Ranking:
5
Pros:
Unlike the rest of Em's suitors, Ryan has realized that they key to this gal's heart is chunky turquoise necklaces. We love that he surprised Emily with a present — and if he could throw some boho-chic gems our way, that'd be great. We wear size small (read: large), Ryan!
Cons:
Ryan was way too excited about getting his Romeo on with Emily, and we're really worried that he'll spend the rest of the season talking in Shakespearean English. Wherefore art thou, freaky facial hair?

Credit: ABC/NICK RAY

Name: Arie Luyendyk, Jr.
Ranking:
4
Pros:
Arie seems genuinely crazy about Emily — did you see his sad puppy eyes when she got all West Virginia hood rat on everyone? That was the face of an Indy 500 winner in pain. And we can't forget that Arie willingly dressed up in a "Katniss meets Nun" costume despite his fear of acting. Way to conquer your fears, Arie!
Cons:
We're deeply upset that Arie didn't tell Emily about Kalon's betrayal. Does he really have her back, or is he just in this for the fame?

Name: Doug Clerget
Ranking:
3
Pros:
Doug narc'd to Emily, and thanks to him she realized that Kalon is a "terrible human being." That's right, if you don't like Ricki, you are automatically a horrible person. Facts of life, everyone, educate yourselves.
Cons:
Doug seemed slightly too excited about throwing Kalon under the bus, and it's like, look dude. We know you have a kid named Austin, but let's just focus on what matters: Ricki. No other children exist in this universe.

Credit: ABC via WENN

Name: Jef Holm
Ranking:
2
Pros:
Where to begin? Not only did Jef wax poetic to Emily about love and feelings, he spent most of this episode next to a teapot (adorable), and then gave Emily a bunch of gentle kisses to go along with his gentle emotions. His hair coif holds the key to Emily's heart.
Cons:
Everything that comes out of Jef's mouth is golden, but sometimes he suffers from word vomititus. Symptoms include Emily's eyes glazing over.

Credit: ABC via WENN

Name: Sean Lowe
Ranking:
1
Pros:
Seeaaaan! This adorable blonde bombshell finally scored a date with Emily, and proved to be the sweetest Greek God look-alike of all time. We can't get over the way he professed his love to Emily in front of all those random Brits, and he definitely has her back when it comes to Kalon's betrayal. He's a keeper, y'all.
Cons:
Emily and Sean both declared their wish to have 6 children, and we're not sure the world is ready for that many cherubic angels.

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