Credit: ABC via WENN

Emily Maynard's life is hard. She has a hoard of men who love her (sigh, girl problems), and is faced with the task of whittling them down, one stud at a time. Clearly, she needs help –– and that's where we come in.  

We've ranked the most powerful players from Season 8, Episode 3, based on their sex appeal, personality, and variable degrees of insanity. Check it out!

Name: Chris Bukowski
Ranking:
5
Pros:
Chris made it clear that he was willing to sacrifice his life for Emily when she forced him to scale the side of a building during ABC's engineered "thunderstorm." Emily even let him kiss her adorable veneers, how sweet!
Cons:
Emily is 26 going on 50, and to quote The Sound Of Music, she needs someone older and wiser telling her what to do. Chris' last serious relationship was with his "high school sweetheart," which means he probably hasn't even made it to third base behind the bleachers.

Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney

Name: Doug Clerget
Ranking:
4
Pros:
Doug's great with kids, which means Ricki will finally have someone to hang out with other than her long suffering grandmother.
Cons:
All he can talk about is being a dad. It's like, we get it: You sperminated some random and now you have a love child. Let's move on.

Credit: ABC via WENN

Name: Ryan Bowers
Ranking:
3
Pros:
He's super hunky, and Emily loves him! If Em approves, so do we.
Cons:
We have several issues with Ryan. 1) His unfortunate facial hair. Is it stubble? Is it a beard? Is it a chintee? 2) He won't have sex with Emily if she gets fat –– uncool. 3) Umm...we forget. Sorry, an image of Sean's six-pack just popped into our mind.

Credit: ABC via WENN

Name: Sean Lowe
Ranking:
2
Pros:
He can bench press the weight of exactly one hot MILF. Also, his washboard abs are so defined that we could literally do our laundry on them.
Cons:
So far, Sean is neither creepy, pervy, funny, nor tragic. In other words, he's a snooze fest. Boyfriend needs to up his game ASAP –– we suggest that he either has a breakdown by a brick wall (Tony style), or declares his love for incest (Alessandro style).

Credit: ABC via WENN

Name: Arie Luyendyk, Jr.
Ranking:
1
Pros:
Nothing turns Emily on more than Dolly Parton and her heaving bosom, and Arie was lucky enough to be at the receiving end of her passion. Not only did they make out on their solo date, Emily locked lips with Arie during the rose ceremony while the rest of her suitors looked on in horror. This girl is such a voyeur.
Cons:
There's something sinister about Arie. He seems like the type that's only in this to get on The Bachelor, but then again we might be unfairly judging him due to hair floppage.

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