Dang, y’all. These hoochies either got in our mindset or the Bachelor Pad 3 premiere was truly the most dramatic. mess. ever. Naked Drunk Ed Swiderski had a cold hot tub but still brought the heat down below. Donkey punch Blakeley, who is either 34, 37, or 82, depending on the moment, seems to be the new Melissa Schreiber. The Jersey Shore twins are subhuman robots. Paige looks like Ellie Kemper from Bridesmaids. Jaclyn is threatening to be the next Erica Rose. Erica Rose is ready to play Bryce Dallas Howard’s role in The Help. Kalon was one of the sane people. And there are two virgins!

Everyone scratched each other's eyes out to have the best quotes of the BP3 premiere and we had to make separate lists for Erica Rose, Jaclyn Swartz, Ed Swiderski, and Kalon McMahon. Here are the 10 best quotes from what was leftover. Don’t worry. There was enough to go around.

10. Michael Stagliano: "It's Bachelor Pad 3 — hide your children 'cause it's gonna be Rated R all season long."

9. Sarah Newlon [on Donna]: "You can't help but like judge her and be like ‘OK, this girl is not going to be able to form complete sentences. And pull that dress down, I can see your [bleep].’"

8. Paige Vigil: "When I see everyone, I'm feeling like I'm going to pee my pants — which has happened before."

7. Brittany or Erica Taltos: "I was kind of intimidated at first by the girls with fake boobs, like Blakeley. But she's like 37 and about to hit menopause."

6. Ryan Hoag: "America would probably remember me as the 28-year-old virgin. Now I'm the 32-year-old virgin."

5. Michael: "It's like Bachelor Pad meets Dr. Seuss."

4. Michael: "The game is lying. Just avoid conversations — and if you do talk to someone, then lie to them."

3. Brittany: "I feel like so like subhuman. I honestly feel like I'm in Disneyland. Like I feel like I'm a robot."

2. Blakeley [to Chris Bukowski]: "Don't let these hoochies get like in your mindset."

1. Blakeley: "If you f-cking let me down, I swear to god I will donkey punch you in the throat so bad."