All actresses should play Juliet as a raspy-voiced Barbie doll West Virginia backwoods hood rat. Thouest rules, Lady Em. Kalon McMahon — always a better fit for American Psycho than Romeo & Juliet — was just lucky to have dragged his "baggage" out away from the Tower of London, lest he get the full Henry VIII treatment from Emily Maynard. Before Emily rips your limbs off and tells you to get the f--ck out, read our 10 favorite quotes from The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 5.
10. Kalon: "Baggage has a negative connotation when it's brought up like that. All it is is a responsibility. That is a huge responsibility."
Especially when you’re at the airport and you have to figure out which bag is yours. Huge responsibility!
9. Emily [to Doug Clerget, on Kalon]: "I want to go out there and rip his limbs off and beat him with them."
Then you should pick Doug and be Mrs. Hulk.
8. Arie Luyendyk, Jr. [on Ryan Bowers as Romeo]: If Shakespeare were alive today and saw Ryan he would say 'Thouest suck.'"
But he’d tell Arie “Thouest was the hottest thespian nurse ever. Kiss me!”
7. Emily [to Kalon]: "I love to hear you talk, but not until I'm done. I got that line from you."
Kalon, that was your cue to steal her hood rat line.
6. Jef Holm: "If Ricki's baggage then she's a Chloe handbag that I will have forever."
Emily: "Vintage Louis Vuitton..."
Jef: "Vintage Louis Vuitton handbag."
Emily: "Yeah, luggage set."
Hold up, Jef! Please see John Wolfner’s comment from Episode 2 about guys with Louis Vuitton luggage...
5. Jef: "Emily takes my breath away. I like the girl that she is. I like the mom that she is. I like just the person that she is. I feel like Emily gives me the feeling that people write fairy tales about."
Snow White and the Seven Other Dumbasses She Should’ve Dumped By Now?
4. Emily: "I don't know where I turned a corner with Ryan, but — I'm mad at myself for saying it — but I find myself liking him more and more."
It was when he sweet-talked you and gave you a necklace because you like shiny gifts and flattery. Mystery solved!
3. Emily: "I do get butterflies with Sean but it's less butterflies in my stomach — and I know this is gonna sound so cheesy — but it's more like in my heart."
Better a butterfly in your heart than a hood rat on your arse.
2. Emily: “Is there anything you can say to say ‘No, I didn’t say that’?”
Kalon: “No, not at all.”
Emily: “Then get the f--k out.”
Don’t forget your “luxury brand” baggage on the way out!
1. Emily: "I want to go West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his ass."
Sounds hot. Save it for the fantasy suites!