Anyone else feeling a little sorry for Kalon McMahon at this point? More on him later. It’s time for the other guys of The Bachelorette Season 8 to get some time — just not guys named Joe or nerdy-hot science teachers named Aaron. But the door is open for guys to read love letters for half the night. We’ll all just wait. Emily Maynard was so sassy she earned herself her own list of quotes, but here are our 10 favorite quotes from her boyfriends on Episode 2.

10. Ryan Bowers [on getting the first date of the season]: "To hear my name called, it was not necessarily a surprise. Much like going into a ballgame, I'm never expecting to lose."
Dude, don’t let Emily hear you comparing this to a game.

9. Miss Piggy: "Emily has a lot of great-looking guys. I tell you, if she wants to give me any of the leftovers I'll take 'em."
Joe’s free!

8. Ryan [in his apron, on baking date with Emily]: "Let's hurry up and finish these cookies so that I can look like a man again."
Yes, there’s nothing more manly than reading a love note for 15 minutes while another man hovers awkwardly next to you.

7. John “Wolf” Wolfner: "What's the difference between Kermit and Stevie? Kermit would never wear that hat."
Kermit wouldn’t bring a boombox either. Or fight with Kalon. Or wear that much hair gel.

6. Ryan: "My pastor always said if you treat a woman like a queen then she'll treat you like a king."
Let’s hope his pastor isn't a Game of Thrones fan.

5. Kalon McMahon: "I'm just a little bit more eloquent in how I conduct myself."
Than whom? The guy with the ostrich egg who did not say a word this week? You probably do have him beat.

4. Stevie: “I don’t like you.”
Kalon: “I wouldn’t like me either if I were you, bro. But fortunately, I’m me.”
It’s a shame Courtney Robertson is taken. She and Kalon might just be perfect together.

3. Doug Clerget [to Kalon]: "Stop right there. Just check it."
Sounds like a great intro for another one of Stevie’s bad hip hop dances. Hit it, Vanilla Ice!

2. Wolf: “I have a rule. If you have Louis Vuitton luggage and you’re a dude, you’re an asshole.”
Where’s the rule about guys named Wolf?

1. Kalon: "It's like the frat house from hell — on steroids."
And maybe estrogen, considering all the tears coming our way.