This is Sarah Newlon’s doing. She couldn’t stay loyal to Reid Rosenthal or Ed Swiderski for longer than it takes to read this sentence. She’s slicker than a field of hot sludge. Shouldn’t someone that unstable be the next one voted out on Bachelor Pad Season 3? Or has she now earned Ed’s loyalty? (Point to ponder: Do you think Reid was really jealous that Ed “won” Jillian Harris on The Bachelorette?)

Now that the Ed vs. Reid drama is behind us — (RIP, Reid! Don’t listen to Jaclyn Swartz, she already said on the premiere that she expected to lose friends) — here’s hoping we can see more real romances not just failed bromances. In the meantime, get in your nut sacks and hop through these 15 quotes from BP3, Episode 3.

15. Chris Bukowski  [to Jamie Otis]: “It’s not you, it’s me.”
And me is trying to tell you, it’s you.

14. Blakeley Jones: “I’m a Scorpio and I will sting the sh-t of you, in retrospect. For real.”
Passing over the fact that this is Blakeley’s second violent threat, how do you sting someone in retrospect? Use a time machine?

13. Ed [after losing hot sludge challenge]: “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
They said we would be sprayed down with vodka but it was just plain water.

12. Michael Stagliano [after seeing wax Chris Harrison]: “And there’s just pee in my jeans now.”
Ready for some hot jean jammin,' Rachel?

11. Reid: “He may have won Jillian, but I’m going to win this time.”
And then a year later, I’m going to break up with the $250,000. Maniacal laugh!

10. Jamie: “What Blakeley doesn’t realize is that her personality isn’t always attractive.”
Whereas when *I* sob and get clingy, boys can’t get enough.


9. Blakeley: “I just don’t have time for people that are gonna be stupid.”
But I’ve devoted a couple of months to them anyway.

8. Ed [as Reid throws limes]: “I smell, like, a black eye.”
It has a faint whiff of Captain Morgan.

7. Tony Pieper [on Nick Peterson]: “I’d rather be making out with Rachel right now than stuck in a limo with Captain Protein Powder.”
But since Rachel is making out with Michael, and Donna can no longer make out with Captain Protein Powder, maybe the guys should just make out with each other?

6. Kalon McMahon [on challenge partner Erica Rose]: “We’ve got a huge pool full of ice cream, I’m thinking Erica can probably just eat her way through, Pac-Man style.”
Whereas Kalon exists solely on a diet of f-bombs from Emily Maynard.

5. David Mallet: “It’s my turn to get into the nut sack...”
And I’m wearing this sassy white tank top because I really hope it’s Ryan Bowers’ sack...

4. Ed [to Jaclyn, after they did whatever they did under those covers]: “Wow! Um, what was your name again?”
Just call her Round 2.

3. Blakeley [on David]: “I don’t know if he’s like a boob or a butt guy.”
As long as he’s not a brains guy...

2. Ed [to Jaclyn, under the covers]: “I don’t have any underwear on, so...”
Paging, Dr. Pickle. Dr. Flying Pickle to the bunk bed, please!

1. Fan [on Tony]: “He was just kind of like ... what’s a nicer word for pathetic?”
Jamie’s holiday plans? Reid’s strategy? Every guy’s fashion sense this season?