There's nothing like turning on your television and settling down with a jumbo bag of shrimp-flavored pork rinds while a bunch of grifters flop around in vats of fudge, right guys?
Obviously, we're talking about Nobel Prize-Winning reality show Bachelor Pad, in which contestants from former seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette shack up under one roof and engage in a grueling competition while simultaneously passing out in various states of drunkenness. In other words, best show ever. We can't wait for Bachelor Pad 4 to premiere in 2013, and we've rounded up our dream cast!
1. Jef Holm
Jef might take himself slightly too seriously to be on Bachelor Pad (he needs to be mentally prepared to shroud his body in fungal-infected towels), but can you imagine how great the season would be with him on it? Jef is completely lovable and would be a shoo-in with any alliance, plus the ladies wouldn't dream of voting him off!
2. Jaclyn Swartz
Jaclyn is a Bachelor Pad veteran, so girlfriend knows what's up. Let's just say she can suspend her bikini-clad body over a pool of tepid water like the best of them. Jaclyn came this close to winning the cash money last season, and it's time for redemption. We'd love to see her win big for round two! Although, just say no to "Sister Christian" karaoke sessions, girl.
3. Emily Maynard
This lovely lady charmed our mumus off during The Bachelor, made us weak at the knees during The Bachelorette, and we have no doubt that she'll pirouette her way into our hearts if she goes on Dancing with the Stars. But why stop there? We're 100% sure Emily would be a great participant on Bachelor Pad! In fact, the only thing we're even more 100% sure about is our love for pizza. We just can’t get enough.
4. Roberto Martinez
Have you guys seen Roberto shirtless? We'd happily clean, like, a thousand string bikinis on that washboard. Roberto could easily win Bachelor Pad just based on sheer feats of strength — especially if this year's competition involves hanging from various terrifying precipices. Plus, lest you forget that Nick Peterson also has abs of steel, and he won the entire competition last year! History = repeating itself.
5. Rachel Truehart
Remember when Nick and Rachel won Bachelor Pad 3 and then Nick turned around and stabbed Rachel in the back with a dagger made out of meanness? This poor girl was betrayed, and the time has come for her to return to the Hunger Games, lather herself up in a protective layer of body glitter and win this thing. Trust no one, Rachel. Not even the roses.
6. Arie Luyendyk Jr.
Apparently Arie kept a journal full of feelings and emotions during his tenure on The Bachelorette, so we can only imagine the kind of musings (read: fearful predictions of doom) his BP3 diary would be contain. This show needs a sensitive soul like Arie to round out all the crazies –– he's sweet, kind, strong, competitive, and best of all, a hopeless romantic. Dude would probably come away from the season engaged to four different ladies.