At this point, we're shocked that Chris Harrison has the willpower to drag himself out of bed in the morning. This wandering nomad has been hosting The Bachelor and The Bachelorette for over a century, and his fingers, guys. They are basically scarred with rose thorn pricks.
Chris' handsome-yet-tragic face pops up at least a few times per episode of The Bachelorette, but we have no clue what this wayward soul does while everyone else dry-humps each other and guzzles up vats of wine. The good news? We have five theories as to how Chris spends his time, and we assume at least one of them is accurate.
1. He Sits in a Corner Gently Weeping
You know how sometimes The Bachelorette gets so emotional that you back away from your TV, find a corner, and start shaking and crying? Welcome to every day of Chris Harrison's life. We can barely deal with the copious feelings and emotions that come with tuning into The Bachelor, and Chris watches it in real life. Two words: waterproof man-scara.
2. His Body Shuts Down Like a Robot
Remember when Chris hit up Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum in Los Angeles and was freakishly good at pretending to be an inanimate statue? It's entirely possible that as soon as The Bachelorette cast and crew leave for a day of filming, Chris simply covers his body in wax, slaps a smile on his face, and stays in one position for up to twelve hours. It's called a coping mechanism, don't judge him.
3. He Chills with the Film Crew
Though we don't usually see Chris make an appearance on Bachelorette dates (other than group dates, where he's constantly just all "HEY GUYS, IT'S ME!"), it's possible that he's right there with the lovebirds, following their every move with his eagle eyes. In fact, for all we know Chris operates a camera during his off-time, and specializes in abdominal close-ups.
4. He Makes Friends with Wild Animals
There's nothing ABC loves more than sending The Bachelorette gang into the great unknown so they can push each other off cliffs and half-drown in undercurrents, which gives Chris an opportunity to wander into the backwoods and make friends with forest creatures. Basically, he's a mixture of Snow White and Cinderella — birds dress him each and every morning.
5. He Immerses Himself in Local Culture
As much as we'd love theories 1-4 to be true, we're thinking it's most likely that Chris whiles away his days being a tourist. This hapless soul is lucky enough to travel the world, and chances are that he spends his time wearing a fanny pack, taking selfies in front of famous landmarks, and reading maps. But it's a lonely life, guys. A lonely life full of fine menswear and the ever-present scent of decaying roses.