Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 6 was a blissful two hours filled with ugly-crying, giant bell sleeves (explain yourself, Jaclyn), unexplained bales of hay, and Chris Harrison's beautiful locks of love. Lucky for you, we've managed to find the juiciest WTF moments for you to look back on! Also, you might want to chill your boxed white wine, things are getting real.
1. No One Can Spell... No Seriously, No One Can Spell
Can we please discuss how many sudden-death rounds Jaclyn, Ed, Chris, and Sarah had to go through before someone was finally able to spell a word correctly? We are shocked, S-H-O-C-K-E-D. We know, we know, spelling bees are almost as hard as swimming through a lake of whipped cream — but those little Harry Potter lookalikes were about to vomit into their sorting hats in pure disgust. Who doesn't know how to spell "titillating"? It's only the most important word in the Bachelor Pad Language of Love!
2. The Losers Are Forced to Ride Around in a Giant Yellow Bus
Chris Harrison's reign of terror was particularly cruel this week, when he forced his peasants to ride around in a school bus like the 3rd graders they are. Poor Rachel was stuck at the back of the buss weeping to herself, while the rest of the gang presumably made out with each other and blew spit wads at the bus driver's head.
3. Rachel Yearns For The Stag
You guys, shhhhh. Rachel's in mourning. Apparently, The Stag's departure from Bachelor Pad is kind of like a death (except not at all), because Rachel is devastated. This poor girl spent most of this week acting like Michael was six feet under, and she could barely contain her tears. We know girlfriend was in love with The Stag's Bambi-esque sex appeal, but lady. This is The Pad. When people get voted off, you ring our your string bikini, slap on some tanning lotion, and make out with the nearest life form. Get your head in the game!
4. Chris and Sarah Take a Ride on The Slowest Train Ever
Meet The Little Engine That Could's cousin, The Little Engine That Committed Suicide. This poor train tried so hard to do its sacred duty, but the fact that Chris and Sarah were passengers basically caused it to commit a slow painful suicide and eventually shut down. As Chris duly noted, the train was moving at a snail's pace, and by the time the happy couple arrived at their destination, it was pitch black outside. We imagine they were on that thing for approximately six hours without food or water. You've done it again, Chris Harrison.
5. Chris and Sarah Eat in an Abandoned Barn
There's nothing more romantic than wandering into a shack filled with hay, "eating dinner" (read: drinking wine), and being abandoned by your entire camera crew for the night. We have several concerns about Chris and Sarah's date night in a manger, including but not limited to a) where did they sleep? b) did they get attacked by any cows? c) were they visited by three wise men? 4) did Sarah get immaculately conceptioned?
BONUS: Unexplained Italian Mobster Music
Uhhh, did anyone notice the folksy italian music that was playing throughout this episode? We expect a decapitated horse head to show up in between Blakeley's sheets at any moment.