Cyber hugs, everyone! It's been so long since we've laid our heads in the comforting bosom of The Lying Game, and there is so much to talk about. Mostly Ethan (Blair Redford), because we're worried. Last time we checked in on this dude he was in love with Emma but also kinda-sorta in love with Sutton (Alexandra Chando) because they look identical and it's really confusing for his studly brain to handle. Please join us as we hold hands and partake in some Twinsense and Sensibility. (Twin puns never get old!)
Rebel Without A Cause
Last year, Emma straight-up rejected Ethan thanks to his mountain man make-out session with Sutton, and he is so sad. In fact, someone should probably stage an intervention. This dude spends the majority of his time drinking brewskis, wearing unbuttoned flannel shirts and making sweet love to his motorcycle while crying.
Of course, we can't forget the fact that Sutton is head-over-heels in love with Ethan, and she'll do anything to get him back. First on the list? Showing up at his deserted desert trailer for a motorcycle ride so she can win his affection. That middle parted hair flop, guys. It's irresistible. But does Ethan give Sutton a ride? Please, he's in love with Emma –– he'd never betray her! Oh wait, he totally does give Sutton a ride, and then a mysterious rival motorcyclist tries to engage Ethan in a ride-off, which he's too troubled to partake in.
An Affair To Remember
Naturally, the Suttster is totally grossed-out by Ethan's unwillingness to risk their lives, so she storms off into the great unknown, fake-twists her ankle, and then demands that Ethan take her up to the cabin so he can tenderly rub it with his dreamy hands. And speaking of said cabin, how come neither of Sutton's parents have noticed that their vacation home has basically turned into a love shack for homeless grifter teenagers?
Actually, it probably has something to do with the fact that Kristin (Helen Slater) and Ted (Andy Buckley) are in the midst of a brutal separation all thanks to Ted's sordid 90s affair with Rebecca Sewell. In case you need a refresher, Rebecca is secretly Sutton and Emma's real mom (spoiler alert: she's completely deranged and evil), and she and Sutton are working together to split up Ted and Kristin so Rebecca can move in on her ex.
Poor Kristin knows about Ted's weird love affair (who has affairs in the 90s? Need we remind you that everyone looked like this?), and she's basically a broken woman. Sure, Emma and Laurel (Allie Gonino) are trying their hardest to cheer K-Stew up, but girlfriend is already meeting with lawyers to discuss divorce, and it's not looking good. SOB! This is almost as traumatizing as that time Kanye West and Kim Kardashian created a love child.
Law & Order
The time has come to check in on Alec (Adrian Pasdar), because we are still completely terrified that we'll wake up one morning only to find him trying to murder us with a pipe. Turns out Alec is on trial for killing Derek, and Rebecca bribes the judge to make sure he doesn't get off on parole. Yep, she's double crossing her man, because remember? Lady is cray-cray.
As you might expect, Emma is more than a little eager to talk to Alec about all the secrets, so she visits him in jail (because apparently teenagers in Arizona are totally allowed to visit convicted murderers), and he tells her that he knows her real identity –– GASP –– and warns her not to trust Sutton. Sigh, it's like, we know you are a creepy teen-killer, Alec, but we just can't stop, won't stop being attracted to you. By the way, don't expect this guy to stay in jail too long. He's 100% convinced of his innocence, and even manages to convince Dan's (Tyler Christopher) lawyer girlfriend to represent him –– even though she's the one who helped put him in jail!
And in case you're wondering about Alec's innocent love children, Mads (Alice Greczyn) and Thayer (Christian Alexander) are totally traumatized that their dad is a shadow-lurking murderer. In fact, Thayer visits his pops in jail and has an hunky meltdown (yes, people who play Magic: The Gathering can be hunky), and Mads straight-up becomes an alcoholic.
Welcome to Fairway Music Fest, a delightful outdoor picnic in which folks from Arizona's hottest club gather together for a night of PG-13 fun. Here's what goes down. Emma and Laurel develop a cunning plan to bring Ted and Kristin together while listening to Laurel's band, but unfortunately Rebecca and Sutton also have a cunning plan! One which involves Rebecca telling Kristin that her affair with Ted was emotional as well as physical, with has poor KiKi spiraling into a fit of despair.
Meanwhile, Mads gets wasted on a bottle of wine and starts making out with a sexy stranger named Jordan –– the motorcycle rider who tried to race Ethan in the backwoods. These two ditch the party and head to Mads' house for a pool-side tonsil hockey session, but Mads ends up having a drunken panic attack, and shows up at Emma's pad begging to move in. And bonus? Jordan is secretly Rebecca's son. This is all so incestual and fabulous!
Oh, and in case you're wondering about Sutton, Rebecca helps her realize that honesty is the best policy when it comes to Ethan, and she decides to come clean about fake-twisting her ankle. Sadly, Ethan stone-cold rejects her (presumably because he has important things to do like passing out in a broken lawn chair), but hey! At least he and his OG twinsie are turning a new leaf.
Do you think Ethan will get over Emma and let Sutton stroke his washboard abs? Tune in next week to find out, gamers!