Are you guys ready to visit The Lying The Lying Game? aka Phoenix, that mysterious land where everyone's popping out secret babies and there is literally nowhere to hang out except for random golf clubs? We're so excited, but also kind of scared –– mostly of Ethan's (Blair Redford) hair, which is even floppier than usual. We're practically blown over by the gust of wind it produces every time he takes off his motorcycle helmet, so buckle up!
Owner of a Lonely Heart
In case you've forgotten, Emma is pretending to be her twin sister Sutton (Alexandra Chando), and Sutton is living like a feral animal in some wooden shack. It's all super confusing, but the only thing that really matters is that both Emma and Sutton are in love with Ethan. Because really? How can you not be in love with a dude who spends his waking hours flopped over in a lounge chair surrounded by beer?
Speaking of Ethan, we're still worried. He barely attends school, and frankly, there's a strong possibility that he's secretly 30-years-old. Either way, Ethan is flunking –– probably because he spends undue amounts of time making love to motorcycles –– and you know what that means! Time to plagiarize some papers.
The good news? Ethan can both read and write (phew). The bad news? Plagiarizing is never a good idea, especially when a goody-two-shoes like Emma is getting up in your grill. Yep, Emma is all kinds of upset that Ethan's lying (clearly, she isn't familiar with the title of this show), but she comes to his defense when their history teacher accuses him of being a cheater. Because she loves him, duh.
Meanwhile, Sutton is still lusting after Ethan, and she isn't afraid to show it! In fact, the Suttster straight-up tells Emma that she's going after their shared lover, and helps him plagiarize to boot! But will Ethan fall for Sutton's devious way? Uh-duh. Boyfriend has needs.
Party Like It's 1999
Time to check in on Rebecca and her fertile womb. Seriously, how many secret love children does this lady have? Not only did she pop out Sutton and Emma in the roaring '80s (shudder, such a dark period for denim), she's Jordan's step-mom! Speaking of Jordan, Rebecca decides to throw him a welcome party, which is naturally part of her sinister plan to do the humpty hump with Ted (Andy Buckley).
Rebecca convinces Jordan to invite Laurel (Allie Gonino) to the soiree in the hopes that she'll bring Ted, and OMG! Her plan totally works and Ted shows up for a quick bonding session! Because it's completely normal for a middle aged man to attend a teenager's party, right guys?
And speaking of said party, so much happens. Laurel sings like an adorable wandering minstrel, Ethan drunkenly mocks Emma's virginity, and Mads (Alice Greczyn) flirts up a storm with Jordan, despite the fact that they're totally related. But move over, Madeleine, it looks like Jordan might also have the hots for Laurel. Sigh, so many love triangles, so little time.
By the way, any chance of Kristin (Helen Slater) and Ted reconciling just flew out the window. Despite going to couples' therapy, this lady is in a rage over her hubby's betrayal, and we have a feeling that any progress they make will be washed down the drain once KiKi realizes that Ted has a secret child.
We see you Alec (Adrian Pasdar). We see you, and we continue to be terrified of you. This villainous dude is still in jail for allegedly killing Derek with some weird rusty pipe, and he thinks Rebecca is framing him. Um, way to be like a season behind everyone else, buddy.
Alec decides that he needs some family members on his side, so he begs Mads to visit, and has no problem convincing her that he's being framed for Derek's murder. Now Mads is a huge hot mess about her dad's plight, and she's super mad at Thayer for not trusting him. In fact, Mads reveals that Thayer (Christian Alexander) isn't Alec's real son (a million dun-dun-duns) just to hurt his feelings, which prompts him to wander off into a corner to man-cry and make out with Emma. It's all so beautiful and weird!
Meanwhile Dan (Tyler Christopher) and his girlfriend are on a mission to prove Alec's innocence, and first on the agenda? Hunting down a waitress named Jessica Whitman, whose fingerprints mysteriously show up on Alec's gym bag. Turns out Jessica was paid the big bucks to plant a tire iron in Alec's belongings, but by whom? The plot thickens...
Oh, and if you're wondering about Ethan and Sutton, yeah...they totally just had drunk sex.