It's a nice day for a white wedding on The Lying Game! It's also a nice day to weep copiously into a pillow, because our favorite show isn't coming back until next season (er, maybe). One thing to take comfort in? The fact that most of our burning questions get answered in the finale! Well, that and the fact that Ethan (Blair Redford) wanders around in a man-tank for most of this episode.
For middle-aged people, Alec and Rebecca sure make a sexy couple. But one person who isn't buying their sudden sparks? Thayer (Christian Alexander). When Alec (Adrian Pasdar) asks Thay to be best man at his wedding, he's less than enthused, but Mads (Alice Greczyn) is determined to think the best of her pops, and she agrees to be Becca's maid of honor. Sigh, can't she see that her dad is a villainous murderer/alcoholic?
In other news, Emma's (Alexandra Chando) taken to pumping Taylor Swift on her morning jogs and Ethan wants in on that action. He shows up mid-run, only to have Emma reject his lovin' yet again and kick him to the curb (literally!). After breakup part two, Emma heads over to her fake parents' house and proceeds to burst into a fit of ugly-crying all over Kristen's (Helen Slater) white linen shirt. Let's hope those mascara stains come out, because girl. Do not want.
Meanwhile, Sutton (Alexandra Chando) shows up at the Mercers' to show her sis Rebecca's locket, and they have one of their usual snarky exchanges. Sutton wants Emma to tell their mom about Rebecca's fatal attraction to Ted (Andy Buckley), but she also wants to hear about Em's break-up with Ethan – mostly so she can pounce on him ASAP. After all, who doesn't want to date a man who tinkers with a motorcycle all day?
You guys, things are about to get real – parent-style. After a day filled with buying clothes from J.Jill and Chico's, Kirsten heads over to the club house, only to run into Rebecca, who accidentally spills the beans about her affair with Ted. To top it off, Emma blind-sides Kirsten in the club house parking lot and busts out Rebecca's locket, which basically sends Kiki into a full-blown jealousy spiral.
Over in the middle of nowhere, Sutton and Thayer are convinced that Alec's only marrying Rebecca to secure spousal privileges (she won't be able to testify against him), so they head to Dan's for help. Unfortch, he's too busy drinking beer with his special lady friend to be of much use. Side note: Cutest/laziest couple ever!
Meanwhile, it's the night of Alec and Rebecca's rehearsal dinner, and Ethan has a plan: to break into Bec's house and disprove her alibi. While the fam heads to the club (because there are zero other restaurants in Arizona), Ethan steals Rebecca's car and drives over to her house to get his Sherlock on with Sutton. So, what do they find? Oh, just a picture of Alec holding a tire iron!
Back at the party, Ted is in the middle of giving a speech when Kristen interrupts him to have a meltdown. Rebecca comes to her rescue and admits to her affair with Ted in L.A, which prompts Kirsten to break up with Ted in front of the entire party. Who run the world? Moms. Oh, and sorry, Ted: Laurel (Allie Gonino) and Sutton/Emma aren't exactly Team Dad.
Going to the Chapel
So, what's the next step in proving Alec's guilt? According to Dan (Tyler Christopher), Sutton and Thayer are going to need a lot more than an illegally obtained photo of Daddy Rybak holding a tire iron to win their case. Namely: a murder weapon. Child's play! While Alec prepares for the wedding, Thayer lets Dan into his house to search for suspicious evidence, and he immediately finds the bloody tire iron hidden amongst Alec's golf clubs.
But whatevs, let's get back to the good stuff: E squared. After Emma heads over to Ethan's trailer to break up with him for the third time, the poor dude can barely handle his emotions. He curls up in his bed with some dirty magazine until Dan comes by to whip him back into shape with a few studly words of wisdom. There is no gif beautiful enough to express all the manmotions these two are feeling.
Meanwhile, Emma tries to convince Rebecca not to go through with her nuptials (sigh, this is like Britney and K-Fed all over again), but it looks like she's in luck! Right after the happy couple share their first kiss as a married couple, Officer Dan busts in and hauls Alec away to jail for murder. Mindblown? You have no idea what's coming.
As Emma comforts Thayer (and Ethan looks on in dismay), Rebecca sneaks into a bedroom only to find Sutton, who greets her with a "hello, Mom." Yep, you read that right –– and it only gets better! Rebecca replies that everything is going "according to plan," which means that she and Sutton have been in cahoots behind our backs this entire time! Cue us throwing giant vats of popcorn at the TV in shock and amazement.
So, what's our girl Kirsten up to? Oh, you know. Sobbing over old family photos. Just saying.