This week's season finale of The Secret Circle was an epic hour of ceremonial bubbly water, death, more death, and even more death. As you might have guessed, we spent the entire episode crying, but still managed to round up the top 5 OMG moments for you to look back on. Sob, enjoy.
1. Charles Makes Failed Suicide Attempt, Goes Into Coma!
Everyone stop what you're doing (cutting v-necks into all your t-shirts), Charles Meade (Gale Harold) just tried to kill himself. From what we can tell, someone read him the classic children's rhyme "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms" and he lost it completely.
Poor Charles has been semi-suicidal ever since he drowned Nick (Louis Hunter), and his downward shame spiral became even more acute when he realized Diana (Shelley Hennig) wasn't his daughter. We'll be forever haunted by the image of Charles' wormy, comatose face –– but his memory will always live on in our fan-fiction.
2. The Balcoin Babes Kill Blackwell
Diana and Cassie (Britt Robertson) spent most of this season "accidentally" killing people, so why not add patricide to their growing list of misdemeanors? Then again, we'll never forgive these black magic women for murdering Blackwell with his own crystal skull. This guy went to so much effort to procreate them, the least they can do is carry out his evil mission and kill all their friends, right?
Rest in peace, Blackwell. If you're anything like your cousin, Voldemort, you'll have separated your spirit in horcruxes. Look forward to seeing you next season!
3. Jake Kills Eben, Looks Hot While Doing So
Not gonna lie, we jumped for joy when Jake (Chris Zylka) shivved Eben. We're all about making love not war, but Eben and his inchworm brain definitely deserved to die –– and who better to kill him than the Circle's resident murderer, Jake Armstrong? Frankly, Eben should send Jake a thank you note from beyond the grave. We're thinking, "I, I just died in your arms tonight,. Must have been something you said."
And how did Jake celebrate his kill? By making out with Faye (Phoebe Tonkin) in a fevered passion. Studliest reaction to homicide ever!
4. Cassie and Diana Have Four Other Balcoin Siblings, OMG
Oh Blackwell, you stud you! Not only did this dark magic lord magically sperminate all the teenage ladies in his Circle, turns out he spent his formative years traveling the country and knocking up randoms! Now he has a veritable army of evil love children, and four of them just showed up in Chance Harbor!
If The Secret Circle gets another season (fingers crossed!), we'll get to meet Diana and Cassie's secret siblings, and we can't wait to see what they look like. With Blackwell's incestual genes in the mix, we're assuming these boys and gals are a bunch of hotties.
5. The Crystal Skull Is Formed, Everything Is Super Tribal
We love nothing more than sitting down with some world music, and breathing in the beautiful aroma of nature, unicorns, evil voodoo magic, and pet rocks. Who knew making a crystal skull would be so fun? The process is simple really, you just need to find some ceremonial dirt, light a few crystals on fire, and in no time you should be enjoying spellgasms in a lake.
But take note: Crystal skull magic may cause everyone to think you're high as a kite –– we recommend staying away from bags of chips and brownies.