Stop everything, 'cause the era of Crystal Skull Power is almost upon us. This week, the Circle visits an abandoned carnival and make friends with a bunch of sad clowns in the hopes of finding their missing pet rock, and let's just say things take a turn for the unexpected. Prepare to have all your childhood circus memories destroyed forever, and get ready to see a familiar face!
Two words: Double damaged.
Little Black Dress
The crazy lady formerly known as "Grandma Jane (Ashley Crow)" is dead, and if we know one thing about the Circle, it's that they throw a good wake. Cassie's (Britt Robertson) devastated that her Grandma was murdered, but luckily Adam's (Thomas Dekker) there to bat his eyelashes at her until the pain goes away. Little does he know that Cassie's turned on by his luscious locks, and she plants a kiss on him right in the middle of Jane's memorial! In the words of Christina Aguilera, "his body's saying let's go, but his heart is sayin' no."
Of course, there are more important things at hand then Cadam's pigeon love. Like the fact that Jake (Chris Zylka) and Faye (Phoebe Tonkin) are totally doing it again. This time, they try to get high on Dawn's (Natasha Henstridge) stash of uppers, only to find out she's hiding the family crystal in her pill bottle. Wow, where do we start? How about: Swoon, gif, sigh, screen cap. In that order.
In other news, the Circle now has five crystals (counting Faye's), which means there's just one left! Unfortunately, it was cloaked by Adam's grandfather, so he and Melissa (Jessica Parker Kennedy) head to the Boathouse and proceed to get sloshed trying to find it (runs in the family). Adam's eager to learn "the art of cloaking," and he waves his hands in the air until he makes his grandfather's old coin disappear! Then, he and Melissa head to the clubhouse and figure out that his family's crystal is hidden at Chance Harbor High. Sigh, Harry Potter's invisibility cloak is so proud right now.
Meanwhile, Diana's (Shelley Hennig) still reeling from the news that evil magic courses through her good-girl veins. She confronts her pops about the fact that she's John Blackwell's illegitimate love child, and as you might guess, it doesn't go well. Poor Charles (Gale Harold) is emotionally devastated to find out his wife had an affair, and we're worried. This is a man on the brink.
Baby Daddy Bummer
After leaving Charles to drown in a pool of his own tears, Diana heads to the clubhouse and breaks the news that she's the wicked witch of the west to Jake and Faye. But before Faye can get her snark on, the entire room starts shaking and a crystal rock sinks into the table and disappears! Yep, you guessed it — there's a traitor among us! Clearly, Eben and his wormy little friends have an insider working for them.
Jake calls a meeting with his surrogate pops, Isaac, to get the inside scoop on Eben's wormy madness, and the gang head on over to the middle of the woods (where else?) for a tête-à-tête. That's right, French. Surprisingly, Ian (a.k.a. Pig Mask boy) shows up instead, and informs them that Isaac's dead — Eben killed him after he refused to murder the traitor!
Meanwhile, Cassie decides that Ian killed her grandma, so she taps into her inner murderer and chokes him with her mind until Diana steps in. Wow, Cassie really needs to stop choking randoms — but at least she and her besties find out that the stolen crystal is located at an abandoned carnival.
In other news, Charles is a broken man. In his vulnerable state, he heads to the coffee house and proceeds to beat Blackwell to a pulp, and then threatens to leave Chance Harbor and take Diana with him. Don't worry, girlfriend isn't going anywhere. Blackwell turns up on Dawn's porch to reminisce about the time he tried to sew his evil fruit in her looms, and bribes Dawn to keep Charles in town in exchange for power. He also reveals his evil plan to eliminate all the elders! Looks like we have a geriatric serial killer on our hands....
Return of the Jedi
Jake and his harem of hotties head to the carnival to find the stolen crystal, and as you might expect, it's a terrifying place filled with forgotten dreams and the memory of that one time Ryan Gosling rode a ferris wheel in The Notebook.
The gang split up, and as Jake and Faye wander off to bond with some clowns, Cassie and Diana run around the carnival grounds like some kind of dark magic super squad. The problem? Dirty Di has no interest in using her powers because she's all about peace and free love. Not everyone wants to spontaneously combust innocent witch hunters, okay Cassie?
Meanwhile, Faye and Jake come across Ian and a few of his witch hunter buddies, all of whom are dead. They follow a trail of blood that leads them to a Haunted Mansion, packed with gleeful clowns, pig statues, and diaries filled with pictures of Jake's family. Hmmm... are you thinking what we're thinking?
While Faye and Jake peep the traitor's journal, Cassie and Diana track him down and catch a brief glimpse of his face before he sprints off into the great unknown! So who is this bad boy? The real OG Nick “Double Damaged Worm Zombie” Armstrong, back and better than ever. Oh, happy day!