This week's episode of The Secret Circle combined our love for the '90s with our love for the double-damaged stud commonly known as Nick Arms-So-Strong (Louis Hunter). The subject of our NC-17 fantasies is back for round two, and this time he's a crazy zombie. And in case you're wondering, yes — he's still hot despite the greenish skin.
Total Eclipse of the Heart
We're swooning up a storm over Nick's unexpected arrival in Chance Harbor, but the rest of the Circle? Not so much. Everyone's terrified that Nick will kill them with the power of his dreamy eyes, but Melissa (Jessica Parker Kennedy) goes on red-hot stud alert the moment she hears about Nick's return.
This gal's determined to make Nick her zombie lover even though he's a murdering traitor (not to mention mutant inchworm), and she sees a flicker of humanity in his eyes when he breaks into the clubhouse to steal back the crystal. Nick and Melissa have a zombie bonding moment (complete with grunting) over his herb garden, until (siiiiigh) Adam (Thomas Dekker) scares him off with his fluttering lashes and dapper menswear. It's like, if Bella Swan can date a dead dude, so can Melissa. Sob!
Meanwhile, Blackwell and Cassie (Britt Robertson) are in major Balcoin cahoots, and he tells her that cutting her finger open will reveal the hidden crystal at Chance Harbor High. After Cass makes some artistic/bloody drawings on the school floor, she suddenly sees The Ghost of Amelia wearing a hilarious '90s denim jacket! Could it be time for a flashback? Yes, please! But more importantly, Cassie's sporting a shirt with thumb holes. Unacceptable.
In other news, the time has come to talk about Charles "Forever Alone" Meade (Gale Harold). Poor little dude is still torn up about the fact that he isn't Diana's (Shelley Hennig) biological father, and he's desperate to prove what a great guy he is. First up? Giving Dirty Di a necklace that belonged to her mom. Awww, reminds us of our shopping sprees at Claire*s! We approve.
Meanwhile, Blackwell's all about breaking the bond between Charles and Diana, so he recreates the night of Amelia's death by prank-calling Charles and lighting his house on fire. Consider yourself warned, buddy. This is Blackwell's version of a decapitated horse head.
Pour Your Misery Down on Me
As we all know, school dances at Chance Harbor high lead to fires, giant icicles, and more than the usual amount of dead teenagers, so it's understandable that Faye (Phoebe Tonkin) wants nothing more than to dress up in her sexiest LBD and dance her pants off with Jake (Chris Zylka)! These two have been bonding all over the place since Nick's arrival in town — mostly because Jake's having a bad-boy breakdown, complete with extra-plungy V-neck shirts and a limp hair coif. He's is majorly torn-up about Nick's status as a zombie inchworm, and Faye offers him a sexy shoulder to cry on as he contemplates killing his bro with a dagger. She even forgives Jake for standing her up at prom two years ago!
Meanwhile, Cassie realizes that Balcoin blood gives her the ability to go back in time, so she hits Diana up for some bodily fluids and they flash back to the ‘90s, where Garbage plays in the hallways and people on skateboards whiz around the school. All our dreams our coming true!
As the screen goes foggy, Cassie and Diana watch ‘90s Amelia and ‘90s Elizabeth have a heated conversation about how crazy Blackwell is, and then Grandpa Conant reveals that the last crystal is hidden in the school's trophy case! Oh and bonus, turns out that Blackwell magically inseminated all the ladies in his circle. Actually, double bonus — said ladies were in high school at the time. Someone call MTV!
Insane in the Membrane
While Cassie and Diana bask in the glorious sounds of "I'm Only Happy When It Rains," Jake and Faye bust a move at prom (swooooon!), and Melissa and Adam slow dance in the hallway like the social outcasts that they are. Meanwhile, Nick breaks into school just as Cassie and Diana come back to the future, and after he pushes Dawn over ("out of my way, middle-aged squib!"), he steals the pet rock that Adam so expertly uncloaked with his mime hands.
As the Circle chase down Nick, Diana can barely contain how mad she is at Cassie for bringing Blackwell into her life, so she heads home to visit Charles... who's curled up in the fetal position sobbing. Charles eventually admits that he killed Amelia, which prompts Diana to leave the house in a panic and wander down the street, only to get picked up by Grant as Blackwell lurks in the background.
Meanwhile, the Circle head to a local junkyard to track down Nick, and what happens next will blow your mind: First, Nick meets Eben in the hopes of trading the crystal for his star-crossed inchworm lover (turns out the demon insect is keeping him alive), then Blackwell shows up only to get semi-flattened by a flying car, and finally, Faye gets herself kidnapped by Eben. Oh, also — Nick nearly chokes Jake to death until Melissa stabs him in the back with a shiv! RIP times two, buddy.
Looks like the Circle will have no choice but to trust Daddy Blackwell, because forming the crystal skull is the only way to save Faye from inchworm doom!