The day we’ve been dreading has finally arrived: One of our witch friends has bitten the fairy dust. The only comfort we have is the faint memory of a hair coif, and the only thing that makes it all better was seeing Adam (Thomas Dekker) shirtless in a fit of sexual ecstasy.
Did you miss the fun? Find out who died, who lived to see another thunderstorm, and which hunk shed tears (take a wild guess).
Insane in the Membrane!
So... Melissa (Jessica Parker Kennedy) has a demon up in her brain and it only wants one thing: to kill all ya’ll.
After waking up with a dire headache, Melissa wanders around school looking like she’s escaped from an asylum until the worm in her brain eventually takes control of her body and turns her into a crazy biatch.
Melissa and her inchworm friend decide it’s high time she finds her family’s “book of shadows,” so she convinces Nick (Louis Hunter) to go off on an adventure with her. They hightail it to the middle of nowhere, where Melissa promptly forces her man to dig a giant hole in the ground. After flexing his muscles and stud grunting, Nick manages to unearth an old suitcase, while Melissa smiles all sinister-like.
The lovebirds and their pet worm take the suitcase over to the club house to meet up with Faye (Phoebe Tonkin), who’s none too happy about being the third wheel in their love connection. It’s like –– what happened to the good ol’ days when Nick was feeding her herbal tinctures out of a dropper? Also, Melissa seems to be flirting with Faye. That’s right, this worm is a lesbian.
Meanwhile, Cassie (Britt Robertson) has more important things on her mind than Melissa’s split personality. She’s eager to tell her Grams the truth, but Diana (Shelley Hennig) warns her that the “elders” might strip away the Circle’s powers if they come out of the broom closet.
Sail Away, Sail Away, Sail Away
Faye is totally disgusted when she finds out that her mom is “dating” Charles Meade (Gale Harold), and it looks like these two are only growing closer... and creepier. They plan a candlelit boating trip around Chance Harbor on a quest for crystals, but it looks like Charles has more on his mind than magic — like getting drunk on vino. Aw, Charles! We’d plot, scheme, and make eyes at you any day!
After pounding a few glasses of wine, Dawn (Natasha Henstridge) and Charles chant some random spell to bring six new crystals into their possession, but unfortch they end up killing their own crystal in the process. Of course, Dawn blames Charles and he wanders off like a shamed puppy dog.
Love Hurts, Love Cries
Until now, Diana and Adam have had the relationship of a middle-aged married couple: They never have sex, they argue all the time, and they act like friends instead of “lovers” (barf). Well, that’s all about to change. After a romantic dinner, Diana breaks out a can of whipped cream and proceeds to lick the sweet stuff off Adam’s neck while he bats his eyelashes seductively.
Turns out Diana and Adam know what’s up when it comes to getting freaky deaky between the sheets. Wait, did we say sheets? We meant naked and emo in the dining room. Honestly, we’re surprised Adam wasn’t crying from how beautiful it was. Because this is a PG-13 recap, we’ll sum this thing up in three words: quiver, tremor, and humping.
Meanwhile, Cassie heads over to the the club house to find Melissa, who seems to have developed a demon voice (sigh, puberty) –– so she pow-wows with Nick and Faye about whether or not to kill her. Wow, what great friends. They decide the best course of action is to assault Melissa with a piece of wood, so Nick tackles M-Dawg from behind and she collapses to the floor as Adam and Diana come strolling in hot off their afternoon emo sex-fest.
Black Snake Moan
As Melissa writhes around convulsing, Cassie runs to her Grandma’s house and comes clean about being a witch in a desperate plea for help. Meanwhile, Demon Melissa lurches up from the couch and proceeds to slit Nick’s throat as Faye, Adam, and Diana attempt to ward her off with an impromptu rhyme. Yeah... that doesn’t work.
As Melissa forces her friends to sprinkle some dirt around the suitcase, it comes alive! What the heck is in that thing?! Don’t worry, before whatever’s inside comes out, Cassie’s Gram runs in with a crystal and saves the day. Kind of....
As the Circle throws random plants onto the suitcase, Grams waves a stick of fire in front of Melissa and determines that she’s no longer possessed. Apparently, the demon has made its way out of her, but it’s headed straight for the hottest stud in the room: Nick! (No offense, Adam.)
Obviously, Nick goes bat-crazy and runs out of the room as the suitcase partially opens and reveals a crap-load of demon snakes. So... apparently these bad boys can only be killed by water or fire, but as luck would have it there happens to be a giant bathtub in the shack! The Circle burns and drowns those MF-ers simultaneously while Adam beats them with a bat for no apparent reason. Take that!
Oh, and meanwhile, Demon Nick figures out how cell phones work and calls Adam to inform him that he’ll burn down the boathouse (with his drunken dad in it) unless they bring him the bag of snakes.
What Lies Beneath
Nick ambles into The Boathouse, heads over to a boozed-up Dawn, and literally says, “Nick’s not here anymore.” Annnnd, that’s when we’d call 911. Nick reveals that Dawn summoned him, and now he’s come to take over the circle and, um, also her body.
Dawn and Nick head to the docks while she secretly calls Charles, and before Nick’s demon can get his possession on, Charles appears out of nowhere and punches it’s lights out! Charles and Dawn decide it’s probably a good idea to drown a minor, so they drag his body to the water and Charles straight up kills him. That is some cold, cold demon shiz. Luckily, Dawn and Charles escape into the unknown just in time for Cassie and her Grams to run up and find Nick’s water-logged body.
And now, fangirls, it’s montage time. As some melancholy music plays, Faye and Melissa cry hysterically, Dawn and Charles lament killing Nick, Adam and Diana tear up over how much they love each other, and Cassie stares forlornly at the window where Nick’s six-pack used to be.
Let’s spill a little Diet Coke for our fallen homeboy. You’ll be missed Nick. And we swear to kill every worm that we see to honor your memory.