The extended promo video for The Secret Circle Season 1, Episode 14, “Valentine,” is 32 jam-packed seconds of magic – OMG, OMG OMG shirtless Jake (Chris Zylka)! If you watched this clip over and over again and still feel like you have no idea whether Jake has a six pack or an eight pack, don’t worry. We’ve parsed through every millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!

0:01 – Cassie (Britt Robertson) Rushes to School
Who’s checking this girl’s report card, ‘cause we’re pretty sure she’s failing everything except for “Leather Bedazzling” class.

0:02 – The Grimm Reaper Wanders Around Some School Buses
No... No, wait. It’s John Blackwell.  

0:04 – Cassie Heads Down to The Basement
Time for another wind-gasm!

0:05 – Cassie Glances at Her Man-Jewelry
My preciousssssssss.

0:06 – Cassie Comes Face-To-Face With Darth Vader
Wait.... no. It’s John Blackwell again.

0:07 – Cassie Screams Hysterically
Sigh, Adam (Thomas Dekker) really has to stop coming over unannounced.

0:09 – Diana (Shelley Hennig) Binge Eats a Slice of Pizza
Finally, we have someone to relate to.

0:10 – Cassie Turns Her Man-Necklace Into a Ouija Board
Omg, we can’t wait to see what happens when this girl gets her hands on a hemp bracelet!

0:12 – The Hooded Figure Wanders Around Some More
Sigh, yet another homeless grifter has moved to Chance Harbor. Welcome back, Dawson.

0:13 – Cassie Runs Through a Field
We’ll go ahead and assume she’s frolicking with Adam.

0:14 – Adam Hangs Out in Church
Beysus and Blue Ivy have nothing to say to you, Adam.

0:15 – Cassie’s Car Veers Around The Road
Ghost ride the whip, Cassie!

0:15 – Someone Chokes Cassie From Behind!
Hasn’t girlfriend learned to check the back seats of her car by now?

0:17 – Adam Creates a Twinkle Light V-Day Meal
The music? My Bloody Valentine.

 

0:19 – Diana Macks on Lee
Eating pizza has addled her mind....

0:20 – The Hooded Figure Makes His Way to Some Foggy Trees
New theory: Lord Voldemort lives in the back wood’s of Chance Harbor. 

0:20 – Melissa (Jessica Parker Kennedy) Writhes Around on a Bed
She puts the “Devil” in Devil’s Spirit!

0:21 – Cassie’s Car Flips!
Actually, maybe she should stop ghost-riding the whip....

0:22 – SHIRTLESS JAKE
Nothing else matters. It’s GIF time.

0:24 – Cassie Screams Some More
Seriously, Adam. Control your stalker urges.
 
0:25 – Diana Says It’s The “Worst Valentine’s Day Ever”
Must be opposite day in Chance Harbor.

 

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Credit: YouTube Photo: Preview for The Secret Circle Season 1, Episode 14, "Valentine": Faye and Jake Make Out, Diana Kisses the New Guy